'Rediculous' Customer & Critic Reviews

[swo17]

For the record, I only watched Les Vampires due to being on the list of 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die, which I am most diligently working my way through. I find its inclusion in the first place to be rather dubious, due to it being a serial and not a film proper, but I am a completionist and thus watched it anyways.

I was bored every minute of this outdated 7-hour-long snoozefest. I have no bias against silent films, but just because this is an early work of cinema does not forgive it from being a slowly plodding march of dull cliches. Seeing Irma Vep in form fitting clothing was the only thing even mildly interesting in the whole work.

It was one of the most difficult things I've ever forced myself to watch. At least it's silent, which allowed me to be productive in listening to about 7-8 albums from the 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die list while Les Vampires caused my eyes to glaze over. I don't vote on serials (because I use my IMDb vote history to keep track of the number of feature films I've seen), but if I did then Les Vampires would certainly get an emphatic 1 from me.

Hopefully after this guy has finished going through these lists he will do the next thing on them and die.

[zedz]

Helluva find, swo, though this bit -

It was one of the most difficult things I've ever forced myself to watch. At least it's silent, which allowed me to be productive in listening to about 7-8 albums from the 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die list while Les Vampires caused my eyes to glaze over.

- made me think this was some elaborate prank. Surely this can't be a real person?

Maybe he should have given us more detail:

At least it's silent, which allowed me to be productive in listening to about 7-8 albums from the 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die list and getting completely plastered on drinks I made from the 1001 Cocktails You Must Quaff Before You Die. Before long, I could no longer tie the laces on numbers 357 through 381 from the 1001 (2002?) Shoes You Must Wear Before You Die and was throwing up in 1.29% of my 1001 Receptacles You Must Use As Vases Before You Die. Thank God I hadn't gotten around to actually putting any of the 1001 Flowers You Must Cultivate Before You Die in them (I'm up to dahlias. Thanks for asking.) Anyways, now I gotta take a dump. Position 967. Nearly there!

[domino harvey]

I know we make fun of the Auteurs' forum now instead but if you'll allow me this one infraction on decorum, the Dot Com members were freaking obsessed with lists like this and their rationale was not that far removed from the above

[carax09]

He's probably from Kansas, or wherever it is that they teach Completionism in the public schools.

[Particle Zoo]

He's probably from Kansas, or wherever it is that they teach Completionism in the public schools.

I just squirted tea out of my nose laughing at this!

[colinr0380]

The worst part is when you coincidentally reach number 666 on every one of the lists at the same time, accidentally summon the devil and get dragged off to hell far too early, leaving all the jobs unfinished.

[knives]

Prepare the walls, banging a coming. Only up to

Spoiler

White Dog

, but yeesh.

[swo17]

Wow, I suppose it's not that surprising, but with only a couple of exceptions, racists sure seem to like exclusively shitty movies.

Also, clearly Nothing does not write for Complex, as they left off his two favorite examples!

[Murdoch]

Probably the most creative/bizarre ridiculous review I've seen

[Camera Obscura]

Prepare the walls, banging a coming. Only up to

Spoiler

White Dog

, but yeesh.

Thanks for posting this. Worth reading for the comment section alone.

[knives]

And then an old man gets dizzy spells, cows are tended to, and grocery shopping is done. The crawling pace (elongated further without the presence of a soundtrack) of Revanche (Revenge, which the film eventually turns into a story of) under director Götz Spielmann may test even the most disciplined of foreign film buff. The numerous scenes of Alex cutting and chopping wood are meant to build tension, but instead just bloat the film’s running time. How long can we really watch a man dice logs into a circular saw if we know he won’t lose an arm?

[mfunk9786]

I sort of couldn't agree more with that one.

[Brian C]

How long can we really watch a man dice logs into a circular saw if we know he won’t lose an arm?

Couldn't agree more. I thought the same thing watching Bright Star. How long can we really watch a developing romance if we know the guy won't turn into a sadistic rapist?

[zedz]

I thought the same thing watching Bright Star. How long can we really watch a developing romance if we know the guy won't turn into a sadistic rapist?

Oh, spoiler!

[CRT]

This isn't really a REVIEW, persay, rather the most depressing thread in Amazon.com history:

http://www.amazon.com/colorized-movies/ ... 0782002064" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[knives]

[CRT]

Tell me about it. Perhaps the worst post in the thread is this one:

"Filmmaker's intentions" was a claim made up by the anti-colorization movement of the 80s. As Ray Harryhausen has said on many occasions, most old B&W movies were made that way because IT WAS CHEAPER (period). Very, very, very few were intentionally made that way. "Filmmaker's intentions" was a buzzphrase that meant "if we had anything to do with a film at all (no matter how large or small) and you colorize it and increase its sales, we will object unless you pay us another royalty for the same picture". It was all about money...

"Filmmaker's Intention" is a boogeyman made up by directors who wanted to make their films on the cheap. #-o

I wish Carol Reed was still alive, I could ask him if he would have made "The Third Man" in color had he had the money.

[cdnchris]

That one is something else, but this one killed me as well:

Oh I whole heartedly agree; ALL movies should be converted to color.
And they can start with the worst offender of them all; The Wizard of Oz (70th Anniversary Ultimate Collector's Edition with Digital Copy and Amazon Exclusive Set of 4 Collectible 8x10 Character Posters). It is unbearable to watch the horrible sepia tinted beginning and ending; ridiculous! I enjoin everyone to boycott this movie until this egregious error has been corrected! I mean, "What were they thinking?"

EDIT: Of course I then realized it was a joke post

[CRT]

Not all of them are:

Like Honest I, too, believe that all black and white films should be colorized The original film is not destroyed even when a colorized version is made so if the films were available in both black and white as well as color I'm sure that this would create a new lease of life for them and also create a great deal of money for those who are able to provide this option.
Everyone knows that a huge number of "old" movies had great story lines and were extremely well photographed and presented as is verified by the number of people who still prefer to watch these films in spite of their only being available in black and white. Who can we convince that colorization is what a great number of film fans would love,
can we begin a campaign to push for it ?

[swo17]

All you anti-colorizers obviously have never had a screening go as successfully as this one:

If you are a fan of the film, I Remember Mama, you will be happy to know that it has been colorized. I ordered it and called up a few friends to view it. They all applauded at the end of the film. Everyone had many complimentary comments. One in particular was that many of the facial expressions of the actors could be more clearly seen when in color. And that is a big part of acting is what the actor conveys with his or her face.

I'm sure there are plenty more golden nuggets dispersed throughout that thread, but I couldn't be bothered to read most of it--all of their words are in black and white!

[triodelover]

I wish Carol Reed was still alive, I could ask him if he would have made "The Third Man" in color had he had the money.

Wait 'till Leo DiCaprio gets done with the remake. You'll be able to skip that seance.

[HarryLong]

Hmmmmm.....
Maybe there's a market for dubbing silent films...
And colorizing them, of course.

[tojoed]

... And that is a big part of acting is what the actor conveys with his or her face.

u know how old movie go with acting

[Gregory]

People are finding it hard to see facial expressions without color? Sounds like some unusual neurological disorder. A case for Oliver Sacks, perhaps.

[domino harvey]

Someone listed all the movies they have that have been colorized and some of the choices are terrifying. Some eyebrow-raisers include:

Hawks' Air Force
Blackboard Jungle
Casablanca
Crossfire
Fury
High Sierra
The Maltese Falcon
Mildred Pierce
Red River
Stagecoach
They Drive By Night
the Treasure of the Sierra Madre
the Woman in the Window

I mean, WTF