Worst DVD covers... ever! (Part Deux)

[cdnchris]

This is so ludicrous I like it:

NetFlixed!

[mrannouncer]

Shrek was framed! Clearly he's under the bad influence of that orange demon!

[Lemmy Caution]

I think he was de-framed.

[Barmy]

A must-have for Gainsbourg fans:

[dx23]

[Magic Hate Ball]

This isn't too bad until you get to Steven Baldwin's waxy play-doh face. "Armageddon you say? Well, more hair grease for me."

[patrick]

I saw part of this movie:



and it featured a part where the camera actually travels inside the titular Evil Bong, only to discover that inside is some sort of strip club WHERE THE GINGERDEAD MAN IS GETTING A LAPDANCE. Charles Band is obviously the king of savvy cross-promotion.

Surprisingly the Evil Bong cover is halfway decent-looking.

[domino harvey]

Thank God for that marijuana leaf in the "O," without it I would have been completely lost on what was inside the bong (besides evil).

[Lemmy Caution]

I saw a terrible cover for Hell Ride, but cannot find it anywhere. So this flaming head will have to do:



I'm not sure it's safe to ride a motorcycle when it's on fire.

But probably the scariest concept would be a two-faced Janus with Nic Cage backed by Eva Mendes.

[Kinsayder]

Would it be excessively geeky to observe that they are using the pre-OSX Apple Mac system font along the bottom there?

[dx23]

[jon]

Proof that Tupac is alive...

[Svevan]

Would it be excessively geeky to observe that they are using the pre-OSX Apple Mac system font along the bottom there?

I don't hate the concept of this cover, just the execution.

[jbeall]

Is it just me, or does Steven Seagal look like he's carrying a spare tire around on the Urban Justice cover? My, the man has gone downhill from his A-list days!

[MichaelB]

My, the man has gone downhill from his A-list days!

I doubt in his A-list days he'd have played a concert date in Worthing(*), as he did earlier this year.

And he wasn't a big hit there, either, as the local paper reports:

According to Thomas Crapper & Co, the first proper flushing WCs first appeared in the 1730s and soon became known as Thunderboxes.

A few hundred years later, action movie star Steven Seagal fronts a blues band of the same name and it appears the old maxim that you can't polish a turd holds very true.

Po-faced and too serious for his own box office, Seagal is the entirely un-ironic poster boy of straight-to-DVD beat-'em-ups.

Devoid of charisma and with an ever-expanding waistline, he was relegated to the Ryman's League of punch-punch, kick-kick movie-making a long time ago. But luckily for him, the day job allows the pony-tailed martial arts master the chance to indulge his love of music.

A shame then, that like so many of his cinematic nemeses, he saw fit to strangle the life out it...

(*) For those who don't know my adopted hometown, it's about as quiet as backwaters get - if you take Brighton (13 miles up the coast), shrink it to a third of its size while removing everything that's exciting about it, and then send the end result back in time about fifty years, that's pretty much what it's like. Which is precisely why I like living there, but it's no-one's idea of a cutting-edge cultural nerve-centre.

[patrick]

Is it just me, or does Steven Seagal look like he's carrying a spare tire around on the Urban Justice cover? My, the man has gone downhill from his A-list days!

It actually looks like they did quite a bit of photoshop work to make him look that good, I forget what recent movie of his I saw on cable (I was not sober, I'll tell you that) but while watching it I realized he has the most enormously fat head I've ever seen.

[colinr0380]

Sadly MichaelB, he also did a show up here in Derbyshire at the Buxton Opera House! (They are making up for it in the next couple of weeks however by holding "An Audience With Peter Sallis", in which he is interviewed by Emma Norman!)

[Kinsayder]

[colinr0380]

Why am I reminded of the scene in The Evil Dead where Ash's zombified girlfriend jumps on top of him and tries to claw his eyes out?

I would have gone with "Franz Kapkra" myself"!

[domino harvey]

I mean, the cover is right, I haven't seen Busch and his co-stars in incorrect perspective ratios until now.

[Cold Bishop]

What the hell is up with that Wolfe? Is it the companies logo, or suppose to be a (illogically rendered) drawing by the boy?

EDIT: Just googled the company, and boy, is this worst cover heaven...



You know, if you remove the banner at the top, and their there tops off, this would be a dead ringer for a porn video.



And this would require little change at all to pornovate.

[domino harvey]

I just noticed that the quote on the Busch film from the film festival's press release.

"Coke is a refreshing treat for the summertime!"
--Kroger's Weekly Ad

[dx23]

Merry Christmas!

[domino harvey]

I kept seeing that cover in small in the top corner of the DVDTalk page and never clicking on it assumed that the movie starred Uncle Eddie from Grounded For Life, so you can imagine my disappointment right now.

[HerrSchreck]

... things have gotten much worse in BLOOD OF A POET. Somebody needs to check in on that guy.

It's time to Feed The Fear anyway, so since we hafta leave the house we might as well kill two birds w one stone.