criterionforum.org

I’m pretty sure I stumbled upon the same user with another 12,000 word essay on how they are an autistic, trans, functionally homeless, physically disabled, sexual assault survivor, communist witch who can’t work or bath themselves. It almost feels bad to laugh at them but…

The most ridiculous review I have ever read on Letterboxd came from SJB in which she proceed to (rightly) disparage Hitler and then for some downright unholy reason praise Joseph Stalin in the following paragraph. Unholy.

______ directed this movie the way a con man performs 3 Card Monty. Don't linger. Don't focus. And don't make it personal.

I like the way the elaboration of the metaphor bears little relation to three card monte and still less with

Spoiler

Sam Pekinpah's Junior Bonner. Good, bad, or indifferent, the movie is certainly not fast paced, unfocussed, or impersonal.

Very gratified to discover I’d already blocked SJB

I don't follow the ridiculous Letterboxd posters, so maybe this user is well-known but my friend sent me a few tonight:

Title

The Aviator

A man autistic for planes triumphs over his own worsening ocd and a witchhunt by the corrupt federal government to get the most top notch pussy available in the 1930’s, 40’s, and 50’s

Title

Barry Lyndon

basically goodfellas

therewillbeblus wrote: Tue Nov 09, 2021 2:49 amI don't follow the ridiculous Letterboxd posters, so maybe this user is well-known

Why he is, though not for movie reviews -

Spoiler

it's Stavros Halkias, one of the co-hosts of famed, awful comedy podcast Cum Town (though I do like that they're all from the DMV, and one even attended my college). He's fully shitposting there; this is exactly his brand of humor

Oh man, someone was telling me about that podcast just the other day, though I can't remember who but they were raving about it. Maybe it was a client and I'll have an a-ha moment in some session later this week.

For pithy misrepresentative reviews with a grain of truth in them, nothing yet beats this one of The Wizard of Oz:

My favorite was the old TV Guide channel description I saw back in college, which explained Children of Men as "A woman is chased". A few days later, they realized this didn't have enough detail, so added on: "A woman is chased by bureaucrats."

colinr0380 wrote: Wed Nov 10, 2021 6:24 am For pithy misrepresentative reviews with a grain of truth in them, nothing yet beats this one of The Wizard of Oz:

To be fair to Dorothy I’m not sure that seeing a pair of legs sticking out under your house quite constitutes "meeting".

The Chinese titles given to American films often do the job for the TV guide folk. For instance:

His Powerful Device Makes Him Famous (Boogie Nights)

I’m Rich, But I Like Prostitutes (Pretty Woman)

The Urban Neurotic (Annie Hall)

I don't want to be a pedantic killjoy, but none of those translations are real. The Hong Kong title of Boogie Nights is vaguely similar ("Suddenly Famous"), but no mention of a "powerful device." "The Urban Neurotic" is actually the German title of Annie Hall (Der Stadtneurotiker); in Chinese it's known only as various transcriptions of "Annie Hall." Pretty Woman does have a rather florid title in Taiwan ("Sparrow Becomes Phoenix"), but nothing quite so frank.

Oh man, The Guardian lied to me!

To be fair, there is a tendency for Chinese titles to be more descriptive:

The 39 Steps - "Great Secrets of National Defense"

Up - "Travels in a Flying House"

True Grit - "An Unusual Case of Revenge"

The Croods - "Crazy Cavemen"

Who Framed Roger Rabbit - "Rabbit Star in the City of Dreams"

The House That Jack Built - "Addicted to Killing"

Dirty Harry - "The Deadly Gun of a Vicious Detective"

The Fanciful Norwegian wrote: Thu Nov 11, 2021 7:10 pm To be fair, there is a tendency for Chinese titles to be more descriptive:

True Grit - "An Unusual Case of Revenge"

The House That Jack Built - "Addicted to Killing"

Dirty Harry - "The Deadly Gun of a Vicious Detective"

These are actually pretty good (as is Pretty Woman's)

Italian Grindhouse titles could sometimes be the same way, like Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key, or the original title for Torso, which translates to The Body Bears Signs of Carnal Violence.

Sorry, one more I couldn't resist:

Snoopy, Come Home - "A Clever Dog Goes to the Ends of the Earth"

I've always preferred the literal translation of House of Flying Daggers' original Mandarin title: "Ambushed from Ten Directions".

PfR73 wrote: Thu Nov 11, 2021 9:48 pm I've always preferred the literal translation of House of Flying Daggers' original Mandarin title: "Ambushed from Ten Directions".

Me too! A great name.

Back on the IMDb Parents Guide beat…

A superhero shoots a magical blast at a monsters head, blowing it ups with chunks of gore spraying everywhere, and some landing on his face. Quite gory for a PG-13, however the gore isn't red, is dimly lit, and is the violence is explained as self-defense.

*phew* thank god for that!

It seems to me that “The Urban Neurotic” would be a fairly descriptive title for pretty much any and all Woody Allen movies.

But this is the one that started them all, the OG Urban Neurotic

Some exceptional work here from Screen Rant. You always know when one of their pieces invokes something “not ageing well” that it’s going to be a riot.

https://screenrant.com/sopranos-tony-havent-aged-well/

There are clearly many problematic aspects of his personality that serve as major red flags. Even though some of his troublesome actions have made for iconic episodes and even funny moments, they expose serious notions of toxic masculinity that shouldn't be emulated by anyone. So, even though Tony is a legendary character, he is far from a good person.

Tell me it isn’t true!

I wonder what this Screen Rant writer would have to say about Mr and Mrs Macbeth -- clearly no longer role models (were they ever?)

Metropolitan is one of my all-time favorite films...and he was great in it....it's nice to hear he found God. Born-again Christians always seem so nice and pleasant.

The tail end of this comment could be read as sarcasm, but I'm guessing it's sincere. Maybe as earnest as the late night conversations in the film. Nonetheless it made me laugh out loud. Just like the late night conversations in the film.