'Rediculous' Customer & Critic Reviews

[Murdoch]

Netflix review of Cria Cuervos:

Maybe this was a good thriller in 1977, but the story could have been told in 15 minutes. The characters and the screenplay just aren't enough to keep your attention for 109 minutes.

Who would see this as a thriller?

[PimpPanda]

On Bresson's The Trial of Joan of Arc:

I saw this film on Turner Classic Movies and I thought it was a brilliant idea to make the film foreign. Somehow, for the characters to speak their native French language (although occasionally some people spoke English), and for subtitles to be at the bottom of the screen, seemed to help catch my attention. Somehow I believe if this movie had been put in English, it would have been boring. The Trial of Joan of Arc (the English title that I prefer to address the film as) should be placed in the Leonard Maltin Video Guide so that Maltin and his executives can add it to the many classic movies they will be seeing in time.

[Jeff]

On Bresson's The Trial of Joan of Arc:

I saw this film on Turner Classic Movies and I thought it was a brilliant idea to make the film foreign. Somehow, for the characters to speak their native French language (although occasionally some people spoke English), and for subtitles to be at the bottom of the screen, seemed to help catch my attention. Somehow I believe if this movie had been put in English, it would have been boring. The Trial of Joan of Arc (the English title that I prefer to address the film as) should be placed in the Leonard Maltin Video Guide so that Maltin and his executives can add it to the many classic movies they will be seeing in time.

Bresson to cast:

"Dudes. We should totally talk French in this film 'cause that's how people (here) in France talk. It'll be less boring than if we spoke English for some reason. I'll call Lenny Maltin. He'll love it!"

[Steven H]

After falling asleep trying to watch this, I ran it at 2x speed. And had a better experience! The story unfolds so slowly (just slow, not building suspense or drama) that it actually made more sense at 2x. I wasn't looking for gore, but I was expecting a well-made, thoughtful horror movie. This failed.

Both the upcoming DVDs *better* have "double speed" options.

Appeared to be a German film depicting a story set in a French village (where we could see some signs and other writing in French), with English writing in the spooky book that was supposed to explain it all. The scene of being carried through the village in a coffin was interesting but made no more sense than the rest of the plot. I was hoping for something providing the frisson of Nosferatu or The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, but it was not to be.

Five points for using the word "frisson", but ten points off for not getting the coffin business.

[mattkc]

and for subtitles to be at the bottom of the screen

This reminds me of a friend who used to teach a film course in which he showed Lola Montès to his class, and in their paper on the film one of his students wrote about how the movie has text printed at the bottom of the screen, which makes the viewer constantly look back and forth between the image and the text, and how this makes the viewer feel confused and disoriented and puts them in a similar state of mind as the title character.

[PimpPanda]

I guess great directors think alike!

[domino harvey]

and for subtitles to be at the bottom of the screen

This reminds me of a friend who used to teach a film course in which he showed Lola Montès to his class, and in their paper on the film one of his students wrote about how the movie has text printed at the bottom of the screen, which makes the viewer constantly look back and forth between the image and the text, and how this makes the viewer feel confused and disoriented and puts them in a similar state of mind as the title character.

That's amazing

[MichaelB]

This reminds me of a friend who used to teach a film course in which he showed Lola Montès to his class, and in their paper on the film one of his students wrote about how the movie has text printed at the bottom of the screen, which makes the viewer constantly look back and forth between the image and the text, and how this makes the viewer feel confused and disoriented and puts them in a similar state of mind as the title character.

A friend of a friend is actually writing a PhD thesis on the experience of watching subtitled films, and the differences subtitles make to the process of absorbing information.

Which is actually well worth studying, as it's clearly going to be a significantly different experience watching, say, a Ken Loach film if you're:

(a) British, and can get virtually all the nuances;
(b) American, and can broadly understand it while missing a lot of the fine shading;
(c) French, and are totally dependent on the subtitles, and therefore the accuracy of the translation (quite tough with Loach, I'd have thought, given all the colloquialisms and overlapping dialogue).

But it's worth noting that France is far and away the most successful territory for Loach's films out of those three...

[Sanjuro]

It occured to me while watching Brief Encounter the other night with the wife that there's an awful lot missing in the Japanese subtitles. Sure, they were accurate and conveyed the literal meaning of each sentence, but you completely miss the class differences and any of the subtle meanings behind what some of the characters say. And Brief Encounter is a heck of a lot simpler than Ken Loach.

On the other hand if you listen to people's voices and watch their expressions carefully while keeping half an eye of the subs you can usually pick up a lot which isn't conveyed in the text even in a language you don't know.

[Kinsayder]

Anthony Burgess's subtitles for Rappeneau's Cyrano de Bergerac are so good I feel sorry for the French viewers who have to watch the film without them.

[swo17]

I also love it when people don't seem to understand the rating system. To wit, here is a Netflix user who appears to rate every single movie with 2 stars, regardless of how praising or damning the review (though sometimes it's a little bit of both):

Out of Africa
2 stars (out of 5)

The only reason to sit through this movie is because Meryl streep is in this movie, and so is Robert redford. I saw this on amc last week an di thought it was much better than i remembered it to be.

The Last Starfighter
2 stars (out of 5)

I saw this movie on the scifi channel last month and even though i had never seen it before i thought it was a pretty good movie.

Grease
2 stars (out of 5)

I saw this movie on the vhi channel last week and i still say that this movie was the reason i started watching all the movies that John Travolta would do later in his movie career. The songs in this movie stick with you forever and they're excellent, especially grease lightening.

Murphy's Romance
2 stars (out of 5)

The only reason to sit through this movie is because Sally field is in it. James garner is in it too, and he's always good in all the movies he does. i thought this was a good movie.

Club Paradise
2 stars (out of 5)

The olnly reason i liked this movie is because it has Robin williams in this movie and he's the only reason i liked this movie.

[colinr0380]

I assume that user is the same kind of person who drives at a constant speed of 45 mph whether they are on a motorway or in a 30 mile an hour zone!

And come on - Club Paradise was terrible but it is probably the only film that will feature Peter O'Toole, Jimmy Cliff, Rick Moranis and Twiggy together with Williams!

[J Wilson]

Some good ones from IMDB:

On SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS:

his is one of the worst films I have EVER seen. It was plain awful.

The part when they were at the shelter was the worst. There's all these old people there, nobody speaks, and it's so foolish. I understand the meaning of the scene, but I think the way it was written, was just idiotic.

If it was possible to give this movie a lower rating than 1, I would have given it to this stupid, useless film.

IF...

Saw it on some programme about violent films, so looked it up on Wikipedia. Said it was X-rated. Downloaded it. Worst film I have ever seen. PATHETIC.

THE MOTHER AND THE WHORE:

I need help, I need help bad with this one. **warning spoilers maybe????** I caught this film late one night on Sundance. The description sounded cool, hot French Love, and it was called Mother and the Whore, so you have to give it something for that title alone. So I watched, and watched, and watched, and it went on and on and on. Ok, there's a Frenchman, he lives with one lover and he meets several during the film. The story seems to revolve around a nurse he meets. Long scenes of him sitting by the phone and dialog back and forth. The nurse mentions time and time again about having to remove her tampax to have sex, really wierd, I don't know what's up with that. Then when she forgets with the guy, he has to retrieve it.

It wasn't long after this that I feel asleep. Was there ever a Whore and Mother? or was the Nurse the whore and the lover at home the mother. It never really did explain it. Somebody email me please and let me know what this mess is all about. Z

YOU'VE GOT MAIL, from a non-English speaker:

Hello, You've got mail is the only movie, a man treats a woman with dignity. It's the only movie I could sign with my handwriting how a man is represented towards a woman.Tom Hanks must feel very comfortable. I always looked for a movie where man and woman learn to know each other before they kiss or do other crazy things. Of all movies and scenes I've seen it's the only movie where it takes place. Thats why i saw this movie 12 times and would see it even more often at my friends. At home I have no TV. Anyway the movie heals my heart from a real love that didn't work. That's just the reason why I watch movies with Meg Ryan. Otherwise I watch James Bond "Tomorrow never dies" when I feel strong again

[miless]

"We have Mountain Dew and Crab juice"

[starmanof51]

Someone registered on TCM's forums just to post this:

rose mcgowan is an airhead bimbo.

It's like if the .com forum had a corporate sponsor

They soooo hate her over there. Mind you, she didn't have to open her mouth to achieve that - just having the temerity to be only in her 30s sealed that deal.

[oldsheperd]

Her being married at one time to Marilyn Manson is quite enough for me to think less of her.

[life_boy]

YOU'VE GOT MAIL, from a non-English speaker:

Or maybe home-schooler.

At home I have no TV.

[Svevan]

Anyway the movie heals my heart from a real love that didn't work.

This review was written by e e cummings.

[Steven H]

imdb.com on Bresson's L'argent:

This has to be the worst French language film I have ever seen. The acting was wooden and lacking in any kind of emotion. The characters were so underdeveloped and lacking in reality, I could hardly believe the director intended this film ever to be released. There was almost no dialogue and what little there was carried no conviction. One example of the banality of the script was when the police took the 'forger' back to the photographic shop and the owner said 'Do I know this man? I'll have to ask my assistant' what GARBAGE!!!! Can anyone tell me just what this film contained to merit any credit whatsoever? Trust me, don't waste a single moment on this unmitigated trash.

um

I mentioned that the hero pushed down a waiter he was arguing with. Why? For no reason what-so-ever. Things get progressively worse for this guy, but he's perfectly willing to get physical over exactly nothing, so of course after each injustice, rising above it or moving on are out of the question. He turns to bank robbery, is questioned by a police officer as to why he's idling outside a bank, and promptly speeds away and gets into a car accident. Obviously the connection with money theft implies some connection, or theme with money. But that's like blaming a celebrity for the actions of a paranoid schizophrenics death, it's a problem of the person that can be set off so easily, not of what sets them off. But instead of being set off, this guy is just plain stupid. He could make an excuse, say he didn't know that his car was on, in general not make his situation worse.

Along with writing confusing paragraphs, I think this person has a tenuous grasp of reality.

[domino harvey]

Obviously the connection with money theft implies some connection, or theme with money.

God that's brilliant.

[Haggai]

I remember a funny comment from someone after the screening I saw of Closer a few years ago. Well, at least it's funny if you remember the ending of that movie. As I was leaving the theater, someone turned to his friend and asked, "So she was dead all along?!" I guess he thought he had been watching The Sixth Sense...LOL.

[cdnchris]

"Oh, when I get bored I make up my own endings to movies."

[domino harvey]

Netflix user CXFBunchOfNumbers weighs in on some choice titles:

I saw that movie before and ever time I see that movie I like it more, it got good story line, good plot, the only thing that stopping me from giving that movie five stars is the nudity scenes, they are so soft and it did not have a lot in that movie, Jullia got frank picture and every time she imagin him sex scenes kicks in, So why did not make little bit harder those sex scenes

That movie was so amasing, the story line was so good and intresting,also that movie it will let you thinking how that happined and why, who is the bad guy and who is the good guy, in another word that movie it will catch your intention from the begining till the end.

The movie is suckes, it is the worse vampire movie I have ever seen, low on every thing story line, no plot nothing, do not rent it it is not worse to be rent and to be watched.

That movie was the worse cnnibal movie I have ever seen in my life

[M]

I wonder how he remembers where fresh water is to be found, let alone how he understands the intricacies of Netflix.

[Musashi219]

Netflix user CXFBunchOfNumbers weighs in on some choice titles:

That movie was the worse cnnibal movie I have ever seen in my life

I'd love to know what CXF considers to be the best "cnnibal" movie he/she has ever seen.