criterionforum.org

9. Option to replay moments you missed because you had to go to the bathroom
10. Interesting friends to discuss the film with you after it's over
11. Better movies

12. Theatre only shows Ocean's Twelve

13. Merit-based seating assignments
14. Spotlight one theater patron before each show so everyone can get to know each other better
15. Literally give people back two hours of their life if they don't like the movie
16. Free popcorn

17. No food. You can go two hours without stuffing you face with noisy junk.
18. Wee-wee tubes, so you don't miss anything. Just stick it in and off you go.
19. Carpets made of sponge to soak up spillage from the wee-wee tubes.
20. Wee-wee tubes to be rinsed thoroughly between performances.
21. Specialist team for the maintenance of wee-wee tubes.

Just wee-wee tubes, really... The rest is just a bonus.

1a. Bouncers. Talk loud and don't respond to shushing, bouncer comes in "Let's go chief." Cel phone light comes on, bouncer comes in "Let's go chief." Loud snorer, bouncer comes in "Wake up, let's go chief."

1b. "Let's go chief" becomes part of staff vernacular.

RossyG wrote:Just wee-wee tubes, really... The rest is just a bonus.

Or sell Depends at the snack counter. "Can I have a pair of depends and a box of milk duds?"

swo17 wrote:9. Option to replay moments you missed because you had to go to the bathroom

I've actually thought about this a few times. Obviously you can't rewind or pause the movie, but maybe someone can develop an app that allows you to see what you missed on your phone or tablet later.

I've always wanted buttons on the armrests to signal projection or sound problems without getting up and having to find a staff member.

What about making each sit a toilet, that way you can pee away without getting up or miss the movie

22. Advertise the start time, and also the actual film start time after the ads and trailers.
23. Allow direct verbal interaction with the ticket seller without an annoying microphone / speaker interface.

24. Provide gun rentals in order to make sure everyone in the theater is armed.

Lemmy Caution wrote:24. Provide gun rentals in order to make sure everyone in the theater is safe.

Corrected by the NRA

Showed up at the local Regal for the 12:20 showing and the ticket seller says it's not playing now, they changed it (now it's only playing at 7:30pm and 10pm) because 3 new movies came in yesterday, which web site did you check? I said I don't know, and she says well, the only ones with the correct showtimes would be the Regal Movies regmovies and fandango. Oh, and you could have called first. First time this has happened.

Had similar experiences twice this week where the times were changed overnight from what the website original said, both at Cinemark. Showed up for a screening of Loving late when they moved up the time. Just today I scheduled an annual pre-Thanksgiving movie marathon I do in theatres and found out Billy Lynn had its afternoon screenings cancelled. Fucked up my scheduling royally.

As a former movie theater employee I can tell you this happens all the time. It is best to check the actual chain/theater website for accurate showtimes as third party sites usually do a pull of showtimes once a week that do not update if there are changes.

Crummy thing is I did check the theatre website late at night the evening before for both times.

So I recently went to a screening of High Plains Drifter. All is going well until a couple walks in...with two children. Young girls. Aged maybe four and eight. Needless to say by the time the rape scene occurred they went out faster than shit through a goose. Needless to say it was an experience.

You might have warned them!

I must confess that I considered it but couldn't bring myself to do it out of a lack of knowing what to say. I'm the guy who always gets cussed out for these sort of things so I just let it happen.

Anyone ever encounter anything similar? I can't possibly be alone in this.

I saw Fast Times at Ridgemont High in the theaters. There was some kids movie that played only once in the morning. This grandmother was in line in front of me with two grandkids (maybe six-ish). She was told there was only one showing of the kid movie and she missed it so she looked up at what was playing and said, oh ok, I'll have three for #1 (Fast Times). I saw them in the front row before the movie started. I guess it was maybe 10-15 minutes in when Stacy has sex in the dugout and stone faced grandma walked up the aisle, grandkid in each hand.

Closest I can relate to this was the last time I was at a WWE show. They were shooting a live episode of Raw, and there was a whole family a few rows ahead of us (we were up in the cheap seats) including babies. It was so loud it made me fear for the young ones' well-being, but to my immediate regret I didn't say anything.

I rarely go to packed screenings anymore. It's usually in the middle of the day, and almost always on a weekday. Can't say I prefer it that way, but it does cut down on the baggage people bring with them.

Big Ben wrote:I must confess that I considered it but couldn't bring myself to do it out of a lack of knowing what to say. I'm the guy who always gets cussed out for these sort of things so I just let it happen.

Anyone ever encounter anything similar? I can't possibly be alone in this.

I watched Spring Breakers with an older lady who brought two thirteen year old girls because they really liked Selena Gomez

Here in Wyoming, our theaters used to have a Cinema Club. You could buy a season pass and go see a new "art house" movie every Wednesday for 8 or 9 weeks. Most of the selections were pretty tame and approachable which resulted in the Cinema Club becoming more of a social gathering for elderly folks. Then, they screened Mulholland Drive. Folks were leaving pretty much constantly through it, but the Watts/Harring sex scene caused an exodus. Of the original 200+ attendees, only about a dozen saw it through.

Man, pretty conservative crowd! I saw this with a friend of mine at a theater in Illinois around the time it came out - packed audience but we were the only people there under 60 (maybe 50) by an enormous margin. Not a single person left, but to this day, the effect the film had on the audience gives us a chuckle. Clearly open to it, but definitely a bit thrown by some bits here and there. And I do remember most people laughing at the beginning of that sex scene when Watts asks "have you ever done anything like this before?" and Harring says "I don't remember."