Worst DVD covers... ever! (Part Deux)

[zedz]

Okay, not the all-time worst, but little effort went into this. But perhaps more effort than went into naming the film.

Now that's a great tag line. Could spawn a whole new subgenre. "Her athlete's foot is not as dangerous as her husband." "Her chronic incontinence is not as dangerous as her wardrobe."

[domino harvey]

I imagine the process went either like this
"How about 'Her Memory Loss Is Not As
Dangerous As Her Past?"
"Well, that's good, but what about 'Her Memory Loss Is Not
As Dangerous As Her Past'?"
"I like it because it makes it that much worse, good 'job'!"

Or, more likely
"What, the cover design's due at 5? And it's 4:56 now? Well good, I still have time for a game of Boggle."

[The Elegant Dandy Fop]

Oh shit, Alvin & the Chipmunks just went gangsta!!!!



Hollywood just keep shitting on my childhood.

Fuckin' A, is it the late 80's again? This is really a joke right?

[Lemmy Caution]

Okay, not the all-time worst, but little effort went into this. But perhaps more effort than went into naming the film.

It looks like she's about to be run over by that car.

That is indeed what happens. The cover designer wasn't up for subtlety.
The accident causes amnesia (a common 90's film occurrence), and romance and confusion ensue.

Actually I saw the The Blonde as part of a 2-films-on-one-disc set, along with Date with An Angel.



Date and The Blonde side by side on one cover is tremendously cheesy.
At least by combining them, they managed to save plastic and whatever else a dvd is composed of.

[Matt]

Oh shit, Alvin & the Chipmunks just went gangsta!!!!

Is it Bruce Campbell? Stephen Colbert? Bruce Campbell impersonating Stephen Colbert? No, it's Jason Lee. Does his hit sitcom not pay him enough to keep him from doing terrible "family" movies ?

[Kinsayder]

Actually I saw the The Blonde as part of a 2-films-on-one-disc set, along with Date with An Angel.

Emmanuelle Beart is in this and they didn't put her face on the cover!?

[Barmy]

Tea is...SEXY

[lord_clyde]

I don't know if anybody has mentioned the ugly covers for Fox's studio classics line. This one has always bothered me:



An alternate cover I made in five minutes or so using original poster art:


Large version

Not sure what to do about the still ugly spine though.

[What A Disgrace]

This looks rather dated and awful.
Das Kalte Herz (1950) is an East German film with an East German-looking cover.
Maybe someone can help find a larger picture of the cover.

And its directed by Paul Verhoeven, no less.

[MichaelB]

And its directed by Paul Verhoeven, no less.

But not the famous one. (He'd have been twelve in 1950!)

[patrick]

Those Fox Studio Classics have always bothered me because of the awful Turner-style colorization on the covers. Plus, I'm still pissed that someone stole my copy of Sunrise.

[lord_clyde]

Those Fox Studio Classics have always bothered me because of the awful Turner-style colorization on the covers. Plus, I'm still pissed that someone stole my copy of Sunrise.

What a strange thing to have stolen. Like, from your house or what? I had a burglary about two months ago and all that went missing was Star Wars, The Godfather collection, The Adventures of Indiana Jones, and the Spider-Man movies. Robert Altman's 'Popeye' was out of place as if they considered taking that for a moment too.
My point is that I never would have thought the five disc 'Fanny and Alexander' or the Ultimate Oliver Stone collection or 'Brazil' or 'The Yakuza Papers' or any of the other hundreds of more valuable dvds I own would be spared in favor of three box sets that can be acquired for under 30$ and two movies that can be found used for about 3$. They also stole my pez dispensers.

[LightBulbFilm]

Those Fox Studio Classics have always bothered me because of the awful Turner-style colorization on the covers. Plus, I'm still pissed that someone stole my copy of Sunrise.

What a strange thing to have stolen. Like, from your house or what? I had a burglary about two months ago and all that went missing was Star Wars, The Godfather collection, The Adventures of Indiana Jones, and the Spider-Man movies. Robert Altman's 'Popeye' was out of place as if they considered taking that for a moment too.
My point is that I never would have thought the five disc 'Fanny and Alexander' or the Ultimate Oliver Stone collection or 'Brazil' or 'The Yakuza Papers' or any of the other hundreds of more valuable dvds I own would be spared in favor of three box sets that can be acquired for under 30$ and two movies that can be found used for about 3$. They also stole my pez dispensers.

Did you ever find out who it was?

[patrick]

As far as I can tell, someone lifted it at a party or something. Definitely a weird item to steal, I guess maybe some sinister Lambchop fan just needed to own a copy?

I'll get around to buying the MOC disc someday.

[lord_clyde]

It happened the same day I moved in, so my best guess is someone who knew there was a spare key hidden in back (that I didn't even know about at the time). I changed the locks as soon as I realized what had happened. Even more bizarre is that aside from my dvd collection my X-Box 360 was also in plain sight but not taken.

[Cinesimilitude]

As far as I can tell, someone lifted it at a party or something. Definitely a weird item to steal, I guess maybe some sinister Lambchop fan just needed to own a copy?

I'll get around to buying the MOC disc someday.

I have locks on my bedroom door for that very reason. I don't notice dvd's missing until I want to watch them.

[Awesome Welles]

They also stole my pez dispensers.

Now that's just too much. What bastards.

[tryavna]

Robert Altman's 'Popeye' was out of place as if they considered taking that for a moment too.

I'm very sorry to hear about the break-in, but this made me chuckle. The way you describe it, I can just picture a discriminating thief picking this DVD up, pondering it for a moment with a finger against his pursed lips, then deciding to take the Murnau instead.

[colinr0380]

Robert Altman's 'Popeye' was out of place as if they considered taking that for a moment too.

I'm very sorry to hear about the break-in, but this made me chuckle. The way you describe it, I can just picture a discriminating thief picking this DVD up, pondering it for a moment with a finger against his pursed lips, then deciding to take the Murnau instead.

The case lying open and face down on the floor with a little pile of ashes next to it as if the thief opened it and faced the full horror of the film unprotected a la Kiss Me Deadly or Repo Man.

(I like the film, but it seems to have that effect on people!)

[Lemmy Caution]

War is hell, and so is this cover.



Actually this was the version I saw in a shop, but I can't find a large cover pic for it.

[dx23]

[jbeall]

Man, Rupert Grint just needs to check out of the gene pool right now. Talk about slumming!

[Kirkinson]

Man, Rupert Grint just needs to check out of the gene pool right now. Talk about slumming!

To be fair to Grint, Thunderpants is five years old and it also stars Stephen Fry, Paul Giamatti, and Simon Callow -- not that any of them have never slummed before, but at least he's not slumming alone. In fact, you know what would make that cover even more awesome? "Starring RUPERT GRINT from HARRY POTTER and ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE PAUL GIAMATTI." That would be just about perfect.

Anyone who finds the cover entertaining must read the high-concept plot outline on IMDb:

An 11-year-old boy's amazing ability to break wind leads him first to fame and then to death row, before it helps him to fulfill his ambition of becoming an astronaut.

[agnamaracs]

I'm gonna say it once more:

Without looking, what is this movie about? I'm guessing it's a ripoff of "Groove" and "Go" and has nothing to do with the rise and fall of Factory Records.

This is easily my least favorite cover ever. It's horrible on so many levels. Every other cover for this film says more about the movie than this one does, and they're all easier to look at.

And I know this should technically go in the Criterion covers thread, but it goes beyond bad Criterion into just plain bad:



Say what you will about Milky Way, Breathless, etc., but at least they try to be good and stylish. Whoever did the Pickup cover did it while watching the "How To Photoshop" VHS.

[colinr0380]

To be fair to Grint, Thunderpants is five years old and it also stars Stephen Fry, Paul Giamatti, and Simon Callow -- not that any of them have never slummed before, but at least he's not slumming alone. In fact, you know what would make that cover even more awesome? "Starring RUPERT GRINT from HARRY POTTER and ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE PAUL GIAMATTI." That would be just about perfect.

Anyone who finds the cover entertaining must read the high-concept plot outline on IMDb:

An 11-year-old boy's amazing ability to break wind leads him first to fame and then to death row, before it helps him to fulfill his ambition of becoming an astronaut.

And wasn't it was Grint's first non-Potter role? I suppose they can't all get the opportunity to perform Equus nude in the West End in front of a loyal crowd of curious perverts...er, admirers...um, art lovers! Could be worse, they could have taken the same approach to some of the Ozu covers!

At least the cover suggests that there will be some hilarity about breaking wind inside a sealed spacesuit!

I quite like the idea behind the Pickup On South Street cover - Widmark causally fingering Jean Peters' 'purse' , but I agree it could have looked a bit better!