Worst DVD covers... ever! (Part Deux)

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davebert · #176 Post by **davebert** » Fri Aug 24, 2007 9:57 pm

The more I look at The Dog Problem (I have held the real deal in my hands), the more I believe there is no way in hell thats not a Photoshop dog on the cover. JUST LOOK AT THOSE EYES!

#177 Post by **Matt** » Fri Aug 24, 2007 9:57 pm

The covers for The Oog Problem (I swear that's how I read it the first couple of times) and The Last Run demonstrate what's really wrong with constructing group photographs out of pictures of individuals. Try to figure out where the primary light source is on each cover. You can't. On some people, the light falls from the right, on others it falls from the left. You don't even get the same quality of light on any of the three figures on the cover for The Last Run.

It's moot, really, since the presence of Fred Savage, Giovanni Ribisi and/or Mena Suvari in a film ought to be enough for everyone to leave it untouched on the store shelves.

#178 Post by **domino harvey** » Fri Aug 24, 2007 10:03 pm

the Dog Problem really isn't that bad. Confess, on the other hand, is bad enough for two DVD covers

tavernier · #179 Post by **tavernier** » Fri Aug 24, 2007 10:31 pm

You've actually seen both movies? (And admitting it?)

manicsounds · #180 Post by **manicsounds** » Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:27 am

miless · #181 Post by **miless** » Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:37 am

better than both? hold it there... the Matrix sequels are a high-water mark for cinema, period. NOTHING can be better.

Luke M · #182 Post by **Luke M** » Sat Aug 25, 2007 1:06 am

I guess it's not better than the original Matrix then. Such a shame I was going to buy this but not now.

#183 Post by **domino harvey** » Sat Aug 25, 2007 3:17 am

Well if the Sex n Scandal Weekly likes it...

Cinesimilitude · Sat Aug 25, 2007 10:15 am

tavernier wrote:You've actually seen both movies? (And admitting it?)

I've seen both. Scott Caan directed "Dog Problem" and I liked it. good little movie, Ribisi is great. Confess was so shitty I had to make an exception to my "no movie is unworthy of atleast one full viewing" rule. that's been happening a lot more often now that I watch everything. the few cons of free rentals, I suppose.

Kinsayder · #185 Post by **Kinsayder** » Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:33 pm

"Better than two turds squished together to make one giant turd."

colinr0380 · #186 Post by **colinr0380** » Sat Aug 25, 2007 7:30 pm

Ah, Paul Ross. The more irritating version of Jonathan Ross, if such a thing is possible.

Casshern is probably best viewed, like Armageddon, as a gigantic music video. Once you've seen the video you can relax knowing that you seen both the best non-action section of the film and that it doesn't go much deeper than saying 'war is bad' (we really need a French shrug emoticon for those films whose basic comment on the events they are talking about amounts to 'Bof!')

EDIT: I don't think it is quite as bad as Armageddon but it does have some of the same qualities of headache inducingly complex plotting used to obscure the incredibly simplistic final message (compared to Armageddon's headache-inducing editing used to obscure a simple story!), which makes what should be a touching final scene seem much worse following all the effort that has to be made to try and make sense of what has been a rather illogical mash-up of different film genres and plotlines up until then!

It was nice though to see a film that has the hero's mother kidnapped and then actually spends time continuing to develop her side of the situation.

jbeall · #187 Post by **jbeall** » Sat Aug 25, 2007 9:22 pm

Greathinker wrote:What I find funny is the combination of Al Pacino's expression and the subtitle "The Look and Sound of Perfect."

Greathinker, your post had me laughing my ass off!

On the other hand, Ellen Barkin was just about close to perfect (as an utter hottie, if not as an actress...).

souvenir · #188 Post by **souvenir** » Mon Aug 27, 2007 12:50 am

Len · #189 Post by **Len** » Mon Aug 27, 2007 2:17 pm

^That is one of the greatest covers in this thread so far. William Petersen is Leatherface?

Truly awful.

MichaelB · #190 Post by **MichaelB** » Mon Aug 27, 2007 2:30 pm

miless wrote:better than both? hold it there... the Matrix sequels are a high-water mark for cinema, period.
NOTHING can be better.

I suspect only the British readers of these forums know much about the legendary Paul Ross - as Colin hinted, he's the older brother of the more famous Jonathan, and probably the most outrageous quote-whore in the business.

A golden rule is that if the only quote on the box is by Paul Ross, the film is a guaranteed stinker.

(Private Eye wrote a very funny piece about Ross's lavish praise for films that were otherwise excoriated, but sadly it's not available online)

kinjitsu · #191 Post by **kinjitsu** » Mon Aug 27, 2007 4:51 pm

Len wrote:^That is one of the greatest covers in this thread so far. William Petersen is Leatherface?

It's not easy to tell, but I believe that's Tom Noonan.

flyonthewall2983 · Mon Aug 27, 2007 5:10 pm

I've never seen that cover before, is there a new SE coming out for it?

The Invunche · #193 Post by **The Invunche** » Mon Aug 27, 2007 5:23 pm

kinjitsu wrote:It's not easy to tell, but I believe that's Tom Noonan.

I think so too.

BTW in what way does that disc differ from the Anchor Bay editions if at all?

Mr Pixies · #194 Post by **Mr Pixies** » Wed Aug 29, 2007 8:40 pm

Review for Body Rock

tryavna · #195 Post by **tryavna** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:20 am

Mr Pixies wrote:Review for Body Rock

I particularly love this line:

a worthwhile purchase from all hardcore break dancing and Lorenzo Lamas fans

How many can there be?!

Lemmy Caution · #196 Post by **Lemmy Caution** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 4:31 am

Kinsayder wrote:They had a few other IMDb quotes to choose from:

"Horrid experience!"
"A lot of unnecessary lurid details and an annoying male character"
"A typical case of wasted time and money"
"Almost a decent comedy"

I know I've mentioned it before, but some of these negative reviews turn up on bootleg dvd covers here in China. Usually sourced from IMDb or Rotten Tomatoes.
Two of my favorites:
"Supercross is supercrappy"
and in large letters on the bottom front cover of Elf:
"Curiously flaccid"

I used to be particularly amused with a blank white square with lettering that said, "add your review here," apparently taken from Rotten Tomatoes.

Looks like this was slapped together by a blind man in minutes.
Kind of disturbing to see Gwynneth Paltrow as some sort of naked tadpole.
The disembodied heads of varying sizes are weird.
And the whole composition is oddly aligned.

Lord, what have they done to Dickens?

tryavna · #197 Post by **tryavna** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 2:49 pm

Lemmy Caution wrote:I used to be particularly amused with a blank white square with lettering that said, "add your review here," apparently taken from Rotten Tomatoes.

Maybe they're just trying to make your DVD-buying experience more interactive. They literally want you to add your review to your newly-purchased DVD case after you finish watching the movie.

lord_clyde · #198 Post by **lord_clyde** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:07 pm

Kinsayder wrote:They had a few other IMDb quotes to choose from:

"Horrid experience!"
"A lot of unnecessary lurid details and an annoying male character"
"A typical case of wasted time and money"
"Almost a decent comedy"

I got an 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' dvd that had a negative review on it. Hilarious, especially since I gave it as a gift.

#199 Post by **Matt** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:38 pm

Lemmy Caution wrote:Lord, what have they done to Dickens?

Just wait until you actually see the movie.

#200 Post by **domino harvey** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 4:08 pm

I'd like to nominate that Great Expectations cover as yet another inductee to the Hall of Shame, definitely a case study in how not to make a cover. If it weren't for the Amazon border I'd question whether or not it was even real.

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Worst DVD covers... ever! (Part Deux)