'Rediculous' Customer & Critic Reviews

[domino harvey]

For the utterly prurient curiosity seeker with bare bosoms on the mind, Bonnaire was a very beautiful young woman who graces the screen often with her nude body.

It was considerate of Bonnaire to bring her nude body with her

[Mr Sausage]

What's a "curiosity seeker"?

[Kirkinson]

Perhaps he meant it in the marginally less awkward sense of a "seeker of [utterly prurient] curiosities."

[Mr Sausage]

Perhaps he meant it in the marginally less awkward sense of a "seeker of [utterly prurient] curiosities."

Oh I was just trying to mock him, I'm in no real confusion.

[Oedipax]

[domino harvey]

It's like Jay Johnston's clueless actor said on Mr. Show (and I'm paraphrasing here) "I'm looking into starring in a foreign film, because we just don't make enough of those here in Hollywood."

[redbill]

"Only watched about or less than 5 minutes till I found out it was only available in a foreign language with subtitles. But worse than that, I do not allow that kind of bad words or foul language in my home. So it was ejected and sent back immediately."

-Netflix user "DB 1611578" on Hidden Fortress

[Tootletron]

I found this review helpful.

[MichaelB]

I just recently viewed the Film Les Yeux sans visage, or Eyes without a face. It is a French film with English subtitles. The motion picture is in black and white. It is a film that gives you a feeling that it was made very cheaply. The effects are very weak and the characters don't have very good acting abilities. It would have been a good plot line for a horror movie made in the 21st century, when it would have been possible to make it using more money and with better actors and actresses. The one part that I really liked was how the director used the same music every time something bad was about to happen. It made the anticipation better and more exciting. I probably wouldn't watch this film again if I had a choice, it wouldn't be worth my time.

[Matt]

Yes, if only Franju had waited 45 years to make this movie, he could have taken advantage of CGI and the summer hiatus availability of an actress on a CW show.

[myrnaloyisdope]

Yes, if only Franju had waited 45 years to make this movie, he could have taken advantage of CGI and the summer hiatus availability of an actress on a CW show.

I think Blake Lively would do an excellent job as the daughter.

[Svevan]

Yes, if only Franju had waited 45 years to make this movie, he could have taken advantage of CGI and the summer hiatus availability of an actress on a CW show.

Screw the actors - perhaps one of those "characters" would have good-er acting abilities.

[colinr0380]

Or they could cast Paris Hilton again.

[Matt]

Or they could cast Paris Hilton again.

I wouldn't mind seeing someone slice her face off.

[TheDoman]

Vagabond -Just more pretentious arthouse crap.

Probably about as a primitive and retarded comment I have read anywhere. Although the guy is a serial complainer who only comments on films if he dislikes them, so obviously understandable

[Feego]

Well, I guess I will never watch Tokyo Olympiad based on this little gem.

My view of this film is that it did not particularly energize me or inform me about the Tokyo Olympics. Many of the editing choices were not good, and it was not a film that would stand the test of time. Compared with the wonderful Olympic films by Bud Greenspan over the years (16 Days of Glory), this is clearly the product of a relative amateur. But this predates Greenspan's Olympic work, and for its time it was probably the most ambitious approach to filming such an enormous athletic event since Riefenstahl's work in Germany.

Skip to the last paragraph...

Well, I've now seen this film once, probably will never watch it again--it brought back some memories of those Olympic Games, some nice photography. But in the end uninspiring & forgettable. Oh, yes, it rained a lot in Tokyo in October of 1964.

[colinr0380]

One of the things that probably prevents a modern update of Eyes Without A Face is the way that it would seem impossible for it to work as anything other than a broad satire in an age of plastic surgery where people seem comfortable with the notion of regularly having their faces cut up, injected and moudled into all sorts of shapes to achieve a kind of beauty! The material seems almost too relevant, and everyone nows seems to be relatively comfortable with the notion of surgery to recreate or reclaim a 'look', for it to work as a mass frightener!

But this predates Greenspan's Olympic work, and for its time it was probably the most ambitious approach to filming such an enormous athletic event since Riefenstahl's work in Germany.

Yeah, why couldn't they get her to do the Olympics until Greenspan was able to take over? Especially since I assume that she wasn't getting regular employment once the war ended.

[Crimson]

A Rather insulting review of Derek Jarman's "Blue"

Oh my God, 9 April 2005

Author: James Beswick ([email protected]) from New York, NY

Anyone who's been to the Tate in London or MOMA in New York finds themselves facing an interesting dilemma: am I being ignorant or is this some joke I'm not getting? Do I not understand the importance of having a canvas all one color, or is someone getting paid for a much easier job than I have? Should I publicly deride this load of nonsense, or get rid of my briefcase, buy some square black glasses, and get short spiky hair? And so it is with this glorious practical joke of a movie that has Mr Jarman laughing to the bank, Tilda Swinton getting so surreal that at some point her body is going to evaporate from the implausibility of her entire career, and once more goodbye to another ten dollars wasted on a popcorn-less experience at some new weird Village cinema.

I'd really be interested to hear if anyone disagrees at me, but first please qualify your comments with a disclaimer guaranteeing that you've not taken Class A drugs recently, and don't have said square glasses and spiky hair. Gentlemen, the floor is yours.

[zedz]

. . . Mr Jarman laughing to the bank. . .

Such a shame that Derek never got the chance to spend the millions he must have raked in from this 'prank'. Yes, Mr Beswick, you are ignorant as pig shit.

[dx23]

JeffTheAlpaca wrote on dvdtalk:

Why can't hollywood adjust and film all movies in 16:9?

I don't know much about film aspect ratios but why can't hollywood shoot all of their movies in 16:9 and make it the standard format so that consumers don't have to see black bars on the top and bottom of their widescreen tvs?

I thought a widescreen tv would eliminate the black bars.

is this Hollywoods way of trying to get more people to watch in the theater so they don't want to film movies where the picture will not fill up the entire tv screen?

some tvs have the option to shrink or stretch the screen but that ruins the look of the movie.

#-o

[swo17]

I thought a widescreen tv would eliminate the black bars.

is this Hollywoods way of trying to get more people to watch in the theater so they don't want to film movies where the picture will not fill up the entire tv screen?

I bet this guy gets pissed whenever his TV is off.

[Matt]

Well, the world would indeed be a better place if directors who didn't know how to fill a 'scope frame would stop insisting on filming in that ratio.

[PimpPanda]

On L'avventura (I added the emphasis):

The cinematography is great, the direction is decent and the performances are good, but I can't really say I enjoyed it. It's painfully dull at points and the characters are all largely un-appealing. It also largely forgot about the main plotline (and the first half-hour was pretty great) and that's when my interest in it started to dwindle.

and a reply to a slightly negative comment about The Man with a Movie Camera:

Nice to see somebody else who agrees with me that this isn't a masterpiece. I found Man with a Movie Camera so incredibly terrible. It's boring, pointless and offers absolutely nothing of purpose. A downright waste of time, in my opinion.

[swo17]

JeffTheAlpaca wrote on dvdtalk:

Why can't hollywood adjust and film all movies in 16:9?

I don't know much about film aspect ratios but why can't hollywood shoot all of their movies in 16:9 and make it the standard format so that consumers don't have to see black bars on the top and bottom of their widescreen tvs?

I thought a widescreen tv would eliminate the black bars.

is this Hollywoods way of trying to get more people to watch in the theater so they don't want to film movies where the picture will not fill up the entire tv screen?

some tvs have the option to shrink or stretch the screen but that ruins the look of the movie.

I just found this product spec for a widescreen Panasonic TV, flouting the benefits of the widescreen ratio. Things like this probably aren't helping matters:

You no longer have to deal with cropped off images while watching some of your favorite movies. With its wide screen 16:9 aspect ratio you can now watch movies in their original format. In fact, the 16:9 aspect ratio is one of the most important aspects of the TH-50PV70M since all future HDTV signals will be broadcast in this format.

Now I can finally watch all of my fullscreen DVDs from WalMart the way they were meant to be seen--thanks Panasonic!

[colinr0380]

I don't think we've yet tackled the granddaddy of rediculous reviews, the Christian Analysis of American Culture review site. It may be commendably thorough for a target audience in its warnings, but often (to me at least) ends up inadvertently recommending films!

Take this section from the review of the lacklustre Matrix Revolutions:

Sexual Immorality (S)

- dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure
- two women arm in arm (more than friends) going to a "party" with other gay/lesbian presences
- a woman massaging the breasts of another woman
- men showing intimate affection to each other
- upper female nudity
- excessive breast exposure, repeatedly
- open face kissing

How did I miss this when I last saw the film?!

Or this brilliant introduction to Natural Born Killers (as you can see, I went straight for the most controversial films!):

I must tell you this up front. This report speaks to the ugliness, evil and vulgarity found in "Natural Born Killers." While there is no foul language in this report, it is impossible to be accurate with this movie without the report being intense. The bottom line: "Natural Born Killers" is a movie with all manner of corruptive influence right out of the smoking pits of Hell. I am most uncomfortable with giving you this report, but as much as I would like to ignore this and other extremes of the American culture I cannot. Paul didn't ignore the extremes in Corinth.

Well, with a recommendation like that I couldn't help but read on!:

"Natural Born Killers" (R, 1994) - an unnatural and most vile production indeed. The central actress in this movie played the other sister in "The Other Sister" but in this movie she was NOT the sweet, humble, and wise young lady she was in "The Other Sister."

It is quite hard to remember a time when Juliette Lewis played a sweet, humble and wise character in anything. In fact, let me go check....no review, so the site must have missed out on Cape Fear.

Love Actually is another great review:

Well! A "Christmas story" with Jesus! Indeed, twice this film gives proper credit to the Reason for the season. Twice "baby Jesus" was spoken as part of the nativity scene play being presented by elementary school students. From England, no less! I am proud of Universal Pictures and Richard Curtis for being politically incorrect even if only for two brief moments. But I am not proud of them for the content of the rest of the show. I will explain. Regarding the immoral content, the film is nothing like the previews.

And The Ninth Gate:

In his travels, Corso meets up with a shadow he can't shake (Emmanuelle Seigner). Her name is not given but she graphically shows you that which only her husband should see, and together she and Depp do a thing that should only be done between husband and wife. Oh yeah! Almost forgot. Liana Telfer and Corso show a couple things, too. Though one of the "things" is not seen, there again is that powerful influence tool called suggestion by implication plus explicit lead-in. Corso's "shadow" indeed saves his bacon a couple times but she acts definitely evil at times. She even levitates herself off a riverfront walkway staircase and off a balcony -- and it was NOT "Mary Poppins" levitation. She even appears and disappears. So, what is she to Corso other than a chance for immoral sex? Her motives are not revealed.

Finally:

From the director of Chicken Run comes another animation marvel. Too bad it is so violent. Chicken Run was a morally better film.

Wallace and Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit starts off appearing much like the also British films of Harry Potter with a flair that reeks of sorcery and witchcraft. But I guess that was to set the mood expected of the unholy nature of lycanthropy.

Sometimes the reviews are bizarre, sometimes frightening, but mostly I'm just left wondering whether this gentleman can find any films he likes to watch other than the Left Behind series!