'Rediculous' Customer & Critic Reviews

[Napoleon]

Really should have read what the film was about? didnt realise was from the 50's! Prob watched about 3 mins before losing all will to live. Def boring beyond belief! If i had been around in the 50's, with what was on offer prob would have thought this film was brilliant? Really confused why they bothered putting this onto Blu-Ray? Picture quality def Lo-res. if in doubt whether to rent this? Simple answer dont! Thanks for not watching!

7 out of 7 people found this review helpful

Film is Seventh Seal. Ingmar would be proud.

[Steven H]

Inspired by Napoleon, another Seventh Seal one, this time from imdb:

Author: mexan-1 from Hungary

Oh my God!

I watched this movie a few days ago and I think this is the worth movie I've ever seen. I can't believe that someone gave a 10 to this S*it! Awful! And I can't believe that only 883 people gave 1. In my opinion everyone have to give a 1 to this film. Here is my list about the movie:

Actors: Not bad! 10/7

Story: Play chess with the death?? I'm notstupid 10/3

The best scene of the film: the end credits--I was so happy

when it's ended.

I hope that I will never again see a movie (Is that a movie? I think that's more like s*it)like this. And finally here is a little joke for you: -Where do horses live? -In neigh-borhoods

[arsonfilms]

For once, I have to agree with on of these idiot critics.


The story of The Seventh Seal SHOULD get a 10 out of 3 score. Sort of like scoring 100 in the Zagat guide.

[LQ]

Is it okay that I tittered at the joke..? But seriously, that review is the reigning champion of all Seventh Seal reviews.

[Aletheia]

The following is a review for Alan Pakula's 'All The President's Men' from Amazon UK:

1 Star Completely dire and very very boring.

There doesn't appear to be a film in this film. If you're looking for a thriller, it's not here. If you're looking for a drama, it's not here.

Acting, well, if you call asking questions acting, fine.

A lot of it is executed in a way of saying that working for the Washington post is very boring and all these people do all day long is just phone people up and chase stories, go home and phone more people up. They get informants and then get more stories and fall asleep and get more information and then phone more people and maybe visit somebody.

In the end, you don't care at all. In America this was a big deal because it was the president and it was all discovered by accident and some reporters thought there was a connection but nothing was executed that well. They try to make Redford and Hoffman look extremely macho and arrogant and I bet that worked in the 70s because they were hunky blokes who didn't give a damn and got the work done.

For instance, if they are even threatened they don't look threatened, they don't look shocked, they just carry on as usual like they are reporting a cat up a tree. Why was the cat there. What ladder did they use. What colour is the cat.

Very boring. Avoid for your own good otherwise you will tell people it is good and the circle continues. Break the circle, for the good of mankind.

Apart from the garbled syntax, I really like the part with the cat and his veering towards existential meaninglessness.

[SoyCuba]

A few reviews from IMDb:

I fell Asleep watching this movie

Well i was watching this movie for whatever reason. And it was so boring and the people don't even talk in it. and i don't see how film was entertaining in 1927. i never fall asleep on the couch but i did while watching metropolis. A rich guy wants to be a slave so he can be with a girl. Thats about the time i fell asleep when i woke up i put in Edward Scissorhands instead and That was a good movie and i didn't fall asleep to it. I don't know what else to type for ten lines i hate this stupid rule do i have ten lines yet no i do not ahhh! I need ten lines to finish this review i think i almost have ten lines i think i do!

Botom Line In 1927 maybe

Now a days Terrible movie who watches these kind of movies anymore!

This is an old movie!!

I just saw, maybe the most horrible movie I have ever seen. OK maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. I just saw the movie A Trip to the Moon; which came out in 1902. My first thought about this movie was that it is, "bad." It was not the cinematics about the movie that made it bad, because I do understand that it came out over a hundred years ago. It was the writing; and people have been writing for quite some time now. There were so many inconsistencies all through the movie. I am going to look past the scientific flaws. Back in 1904 not everybody new we could not breathe on the moon or it took more than some high powered canon to get us there. But what bothers me is the Selenite, the moon inhabitants. The astronomers have no trouble destroying the Selenites by hitting them with their umbrellas. When the Selenites are struck they explode into a powdery mess. What I do not like is that fact that the director has the Selenites jumping around like apes. If all it takes is a small whack by an umbrella how come they do not explode when jumping around the set. I do like the soundtrack of the movie. It really helps make the movie a little more enjoyable and plays very nicely with the actions of the movie. Like I said this movie was made over one hundred years ago and was created by a French director. Not only is it crossing time but nationality. I do not care for the movie at all. If I was alive back than I would have probably loved it, but I was born during this time and like movies that are a longer, more dialogue, more cinematics and just more in general. Give me a Spider Man movie. Give me Shrek. Give me The Terminator. Give me whatever just nothing made past the 1970's.

I don't know if what this user is trying to say in his reviews is ridiculous since I can't understand much of it:

The unusual suspects and a broken bottle of water

"Casablanca" (1942) made by Michael Curtiz is something like a romantic preview of a nothing to do waiting for a failed encounter in flashback, because a lady didn't came when the town was almost surrounded just after he was searched by enemies. An action movie as "Casablanca" is still like a labyrinth in the confused story told by this B picture, within a mythic atmosphere behind the history itself as too surcharged by a post-colonial era cult now. The comic scene for instance - like one of the countless - that is one of the best of this movie, as while it is pretext for describing on the local market a tent with the bargained artifact seeming a trousseau, whose price is reduced almost for less than a half since the short beginning of the purchase, but which never occurs because the lady doesn't want it.

Meanwhile Rick comes at her across the tents, nevertheless the local trader is still insisting for selling it, because he knows him and his reputation as a kind of protector - in such a matter, as business as usual, like an expert of the town - also it is of course of a great value, from the colonial folk state of moving facts under the rule of the Casbah and like it occurs also in any black market of the kind, as too for the traditional searching of the lost documents, for buying the tickets further going away from this purgatory. Mrs. Ferrara is the real mastermind of the alternative power in the Casbash mystery way of living, an acculturated Italian with a store with coffee-shop rivalizing by day with the night-club of Rick concerning searching a way to go away from this land and having always in his hands a kick-flies to close each time his interventions as if human beings in transit were less important than immediate sanity around him because the heat, backgrounded maybe by his past in Tunis by his local hat and way of talking from a fat man with a dangerous and quite hypnotical smile, whose to make common affairs with Rick leave Rick cool in a quick ambiguous answer for another next meeting.

Back in the middle of the movie, there is a set nicknamed the Rick's Américain Café, a kind of store for foreigners and else station bar, where the brothers Epstein and Koch improvised in a daily basis the story lines, as in the studio itself during the shootings for the next scene. That never happens after the plane take-off and the unusual suspects are spelled since then, when someone like a dull with uniform as in the flux of events said "round up all the usual suspects" and finishing it after the noise of the Dakota plane going slowly far away. Even the bottle of mineral water open by the French police officer, after the customs and hangar zone outside where the telephone is with the German corpse nearby, but not at all drink to the bottom because we saw only one or two swallows by the mustache that thrown it one quarter empty with a chock on the box near the ground without broken it as resistant it was the kind of glass of this Vichy it seems to him by chance.

[stwrt]

Some people seem to exercise no personal judgement when choosing which movie to watch, it's as though they were reaching blind in the cupboard for a pack of food, pouring the contents of the pack onto a plate, micro-waving it and only when they actually start eating the food express any interest in what it is they're eating.

[Morbii]

A few reviews from IMDb:

I don't know if what this user is trying to say in his reviews is ridiculous since I can't understand much of it:

The unusual suspects and a broken bottle of water

"Casablanca" (1942) made by Michael Curtiz is something like a romantic preview of a nothing to do waiting for a failed encounter in flashback, because a lady didn't came when the town was almost surrounded just after he was searched by enemies. An action movie as "Casablanca" is still like a labyrinth in the confused story told by this B picture, within a mythic atmosphere behind the history itself as too surcharged by a post-colonial era cult now. The comic scene for instance - like one of the countless - that is one of the best of this movie, as while it is pretext for describing on the local market a tent with the bargained artifact seeming a trousseau, whose price is reduced almost for less than a half since the short beginning of the purchase, but which never occurs because the lady doesn't want it.

Meanwhile Rick comes at her across the tents, nevertheless the local trader is still insisting for selling it, because he knows him and his reputation as a kind of protector - in such a matter, as business as usual, like an expert of the town - also it is of course of a great value, from the colonial folk state of moving facts under the rule of the Casbah and like it occurs also in any black market of the kind, as too for the traditional searching of the lost documents, for buying the tickets further going away from this purgatory. Mrs. Ferrara is the real mastermind of the alternative power in the Casbash mystery way of living, an acculturated Italian with a store with coffee-shop rivalizing by day with the night-club of Rick concerning searching a way to go away from this land and having always in his hands a kick-flies to close each time his interventions as if human beings in transit were less important than immediate sanity around him because the heat, backgrounded maybe by his past in Tunis by his local hat and way of talking from a fat man with a dangerous and quite hypnotical smile, whose to make common affairs with Rick leave Rick cool in a quick ambiguous answer for another next meeting.

Back in the middle of the movie, there is a set nicknamed the Rick's Américain Café, a kind of store for foreigners and else station bar, where the brothers Epstein and Koch improvised in a daily basis the story lines, as in the studio itself during the shootings for the next scene. That never happens after the plane take-off and the unusual suspects are spelled since then, when someone like a dull with uniform as in the flux of events said "round up all the usual suspects" and finishing it after the noise of the Dakota plane going slowly far away. Even the bottle of mineral water open by the French police officer, after the customs and hangar zone outside where the telephone is with the German corpse nearby, but not at all drink to the bottom because we saw only one or two swallows by the mustache that thrown it one quarter empty with a chock on the box near the ground without broken it as resistant it was the kind of glass of this Vichy it seems to him by chance.

An review as "carvalheiro" is still like a labyrinth in the confused story told by this B text, within a mythic atmosphere behind the history itself as too surcharged by a post-"rediculous" review era cult now.

[HerrSchreck]

The unusual suspects and a broken bottle of water

"Casablanca" (1942) made by Michael Curtiz is something like a romantic preview of a nothing to do waiting for a failed encounter in flashback, because a lady didn't came when the town was almost surrounded just after he was searched by enemies. An action movie as "Casablanca" is still like a labyrinth in the confused story told by this B picture, within a mythic atmosphere behind the history itself as too surcharged by a post-colonial era cult now. The comic scene for instance - like one of the countless - that is one of the best of this movie, as while it is pretext for describing on the local market a tent with the bargained artifact seeming a trousseau, whose price is reduced almost for less than a half since the short beginning of the purchase, but which never occurs because the lady doesn't want it.

Meanwhile Rick comes at her across the tents, nevertheless the local trader is still insisting for selling it, because he knows him and his reputation as a kind of protector - in such a matter, as business as usual, like an expert of the town - also it is of course of a great value, from the colonial folk state of moving facts under the rule of the Casbah and like it occurs also in any black market of the kind, as too for the traditional searching of the lost documents, for buying the tickets further going away from this purgatory. Mrs. Ferrara is the real mastermind of the alternative power in the Casbash mystery way of living, an acculturated Italian with a store with coffee-shop rivalizing by day with the night-club of Rick concerning searching a way to go away from this land and having always in his hands a kick-flies to close each time his interventions as if human beings in transit were less important than immediate sanity around him because the heat, backgrounded maybe by his past in Tunis by his local hat and way of talking from a fat man with a dangerous and quite hypnotical smile, whose to make common affairs with Rick leave Rick cool in a quick ambiguous answer for another next meeting.

Back in the middle of the movie, there is a set nicknamed the Rick's Américain Café, a kind of store for foreigners and else station bar, where the brothers Epstein and Koch improvised in a daily basis the story lines, as in the studio itself during the shootings for the next scene. That never happens after the plane take-off and the unusual suspects are spelled since then, when someone like a dull with uniform as in the flux of events said "round up all the usual suspects" and finishing it after the noise of the Dakota plane going slowly far away. Even the bottle of mineral water open by the French police officer, after the customs and hangar zone outside where the telephone is with the German corpse nearby, but not at all drink to the bottom because we saw only one or two swallows by the mustache that thrown it one quarter empty with a chock on the box near the ground without broken it as resistant it was the kind of glass of this Vichy it seems to him by chance.

That was a fucking awesome environs review shoals. Laughed I ever so hard inna long time, by route of context. Two brother Takahachi and Feldshuh-Bupstein frisbee throw. Meanwhile over at 'The Oasis' the jazz is on ointment. "Blurt nourishing" then says the 'capitaine' by route of the bus station fresh meats from feet. Suddenly a long time goes by the doctor palpating, raises eyes over newspaper at skin lumps. And then of course-- old news indeed-- the toenail nibbling.

All in all FOUR STARS ="carvalheiro on Casablanca."

[Jeff]

garbled craziness about Casablaca

I'm guessing that there was some kind online translation tool involved in that review. It actually sounds like it was translated from English to Japanese then back to English, like when Jimmy James' tome went through the same process and Jimmy James: Capitalist Lion Tamer ended up as Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler.

[swo17]

It actually sounds like it was translated from English to Japanese then back to English, like when Jimmy James' tome went through the same process and Jimmy James: Capitalist Lion Tamer ended up as Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler.

Thank you for reminding me of that!

[domino harvey]

Jimmy has fancy plans, and pants to match

[eight_and_a_half]

A friend of mine emailed me this, as she has a particular distaste for this critic. It was hard to choose, but this is just one of the many nuggets found in Dan Schneider's review of Vertigo.

A film like this points out the fact that Hitchcock not only was not a ‘deep’ director, but could not have been, for by sacrificing what he did best- manipulation, suspense, and twists of plot, all he did was sacrifice what he did best

[domino harvey]

It’s not that Vertigo is an awful film, for technically it’s very well made- especially considering that era, but the flaccid and absurd screenplay simply does not hold up a half century on.

Here and elsewhere he seems to be utilizing a new method of structuring sentences

Also, I love how people who don't know anything about film are always the first to invoke something Ebert said

[Mr Sausage]

This lack of intellectual and emotional depth is part of the reason he is rightly looked down upon when compared to greater masters of film, such as Stanley Kubrick, Orson Welles, Federico Fellini, Werner Herzog, Ingmar Bergman, or Martin Scorsese.

I would like to see the look on each of these men's faces when told: "you're a greater master of film than Hitchcock!"

I hate these kinds of vague attributions: who, exactly, is doing this "looking down?"

[MichaelB]

I would like to see the look on each of these men's faces when told: "you're a greater master of film than Hitchcock!"

Then again, maybe Scorsese insisted on working with Bernard Herrmann because he felt sorry for the way he'd wasted the best creative years of his life working with the fat fraudulent hack?

[knives]

Or for that great the day the earth stood still score.

[Ashirg]

From Amazon.co.uk:

Night And Fog [1955] (1 star)
The '15' rating on this film is grossly misleading. It contains largely original footage from Auschwitz death camp, with the most harrowing, obscene and haunting scenes. Although it seems obvious that such a document should exist as a testament to the holocaust, I question whether it serves the good of mankind for it to be on general release. It is well known that the viewing of horror desensitizes the mind and emotions. Along with the plethora of voyeuristic horror movies available to the general public, this is yet another nail in the coffin of our sensibilities, leading us to be able to accept such events and scenes all the more easily. We should of course be aware of the painful truths of man's cruelty, but there are other mediums and indeed, less graphic films, which inform without scarring the psyche. Furthermore, did the poor souls in this film give their permission to be seen by the general public in such demeaning ways? We are not honouring them by viewing their dehumanisation. This movie should be locked safely away in an archive, viewed only by those who have a compelling reason to see it - perhaps university students or writers studying the holocaust.

[Murdoch]

Jeez, these Amazon reviewers want to start censoring history now, will Amazon lead to a Orwellian state where everything is reduced to the most PC version imaginable?

Hey Grandpa, what the Holocaust?
Well, Jimmy, that's a movie directed by Steven Spielberg!

[GaryC]

From Amazon.co.uk:

Night And Fog [1955] (1 star)
The '15' rating on this film is grossly misleading. It contains largely original footage from Auschwitz death camp, with the most harrowing, obscene and haunting scenes. Although it seems obvious that such a document should exist as a testament to the holocaust, I question whether it serves the good of mankind for it to be on general release. It is well known that the viewing of horror desensitizes the mind and emotions. Along with the plethora of voyeuristic horror movies available to the general public, this is yet another nail in the coffin of our sensibilities, leading us to be able to accept such events and scenes all the more easily. We should of course be aware of the painful truths of man's cruelty, but there are other mediums and indeed, less graphic films, which inform without scarring the psyche. Furthermore, did the poor souls in this film give their permission to be seen by the general public in such demeaning ways? We are not honouring them by viewing their dehumanisation. This movie should be locked safely away in an archive, viewed only by those who have a compelling reason to see it - perhaps university students or writers studying the holocaust.

Actually, watching Night and Fog showed me that I wasn't desensitised to Holocaust footage. Nothing to boast about, but after quite a few other films on the subject, I thought I had become that. I was wrong.

[Gregory]

An Amazon.com review of Brakhage's first book. (I normally don't post blurbs from average schlubs, but this one just might be by P.T. Anderson!) Whoever he is, his intellect towers far above Brakhage, even though he can't spell, let alone offer the slightest insight.

3.0 out of 5 stars I'd like to introduce you to a genius, November 27, 2000
By Paul Thomas A. (USA) - See all my reviews
This book is interesting, though some obsevations which Brakhage makes seem either arbitrary or ludicrous. I enjoyed about every other chapter, because the material quickly grew redundant. Brakhage is interesting for a day, and then can easily be brushed aside. If you are looking for a confidence booster as a filmmaker or plain intellectual, than read this book by a so-called genius. It's simplicity will overwhelm you.

[domino harvey]

Should Daniel Craig someday retire, I am supporting Kevin James for the next James Bond.

Quote of the Year

[Ovader]

I don't know if this qualifies to be in this thread since this is what was said to me in person instead of being posted online. I know a fellow member of a Filmmakers’ Co-operative and he was planning to write a short film western. He bought a budget boxset of old westerns (I don’t remember what boxset) to watch to help him get reacquainted with the genre and to get some ideas of how to proceed to write a western. He said he could not learn anything from those films because they were in black & white!

[domino harvey]

There is nothing about that anecdote that isn't amazing

[MichaelB]

It's well worth reading through the comments attached to this 1898 film on the BFI's YouTube channel - especially the ones that authoritatively claim that they didn't have moving images in 1898, it's clearly faked and anyone who believes it it's genuine is a gullible fool.

Similar laughs can be found here, where you will discover that the first colour film was The Wizard of Oz, and that the film under discussion (colour footage of the River Thames shot in 1935) must be fake because "With all due respect, how can that be from the 30s when there is clearly a Video Wipe at 2:56?"