Worst DVD Covers...ever! (Part 3-D)

[AfterTheRain]

I didn't know Robert De Niro was the King of New York. I guess that when the title of the Duke went to Isaac Hayes, we had to find a title for De Niro.

[colinr0380]

Brought to my attention by a DVD Verdict podcast, but it deserves repeating here:

[knives]

Is he trying to be Jesus...with flight?

[zedz]

Considering the huge space they left between the barbed wire, I think hurling oneself at the fence like a spastic starfish was probably the wrong escape strategy. And didn't Michel Gondry copyright those Huge Hands?

[colinr0380]

There are so many things wrong with that cover (scale, perspective, facial features that, and here I agree with the rhyming couplet, actually does show me a "face of war that I've never seen before!") that it seems wrong to single just one thing out but I was especially amused that the poor guy seems to have managed the impressive feat of impaling his crotch and both nipples on the especially thorny pieces of the sparse barbed wire!

[CSM126]

"Richard Widmark IS Stretch Armstrong..."

[dx23]

Best. Trailer. Ever.

[skuhn8]

I have to agree that this is about the best trailer I've seen this year. Insane attacks interrupted by Debbie--sorry, I mean Deborah cause she's serious now--Gibson and other assorted douches delivering lame line readings. I definitely have to see this. I want to know more about the gorilla in Manila--most certainly a juicy anecdote.

[Antoine Doinel]

I'm not sure what's worse: that I actually clicked on the link to watch the trailer or that it's not viewable in Canada.

[dx23]

that it's not viewable in Canada.

That may be a blessing.

[HarryLong]

The name Lorenzo Lamas on a DVD cover is a clear indication of the quality of the product inside.

[dx23]

[colinr0380]

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus seems like a must see if only to figure out exactly how the shark manages to launch itself high enough to attack a passenger plane!

For a minute there I thought The Terminators featured a comeback performance from Paul Hogan! No such luck though!

[Shrew]

I read the Terminators tagline as 'Now Programming to destroy' and had a wonderful picture of thousands of near-sighted killer robots hunched over computers.

Reality is ever disappointing.

[CSM126]

God bless The Asylum and their shameless Mockbusters.

Well, OK, maybe not that Cloverfield knock-off, the oh-so creatively-titled Monster. That was the most soul-crushingly tedious film ever made. I know people like to say they were "bored to tears" but I never thought it would actually happen. I was wrong, and The Asylum proved it.

Terrible cover, too. That monster might look fake here, but it's a thousand times faker-looking in the movie. It looks like three of those Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Men just shaking around in the distance. Doesn't even destroy anything in the whole movie. But of course, the white women have to run around in circles screaming and flailing their arms in the air while the Japanese natives, used to the horrors of Godzilla and Mothra, calmly walk by going about their daily business. Swear to God. And somehow this is all boring rather than funny. An absolutely amazing film, this.

[Lemmy Caution]

[Napier]

Now were talking. I wonder what's in her utility belt.

[Matt]

Now were talking. I wonder what's in her utility belt.

Gonorrhea.

[Napier]

I hope that's makeup around the "Joker's" mouth.

[HarryLong]

Well, OK, maybe not that Cloverfield knock-off, the oh-so creatively-titled Monster.

This'uns been around for awhile. In fact Asylum got this into video stores before CLOVERFIELD even hit theaters, if I recall. I do remember seeing in on the shelf at Blockbuster & wondering if CLOVERFIELD wasn't a knock-off of MONSTER rather than t'other way round.

[dx23]

And the Joker seems to have a bad case of herpes.

[colinr0380]

I sometimes wonder if Asylum's shameless rip offs of other films (Invasion of the Pod People, Death Racers, 30,000 Leagues Under The Sea, AvH: Alien Vs Hunter, The Da Vinci Treasure, Pirates of Treasure Island, I Am Omega, Transmorphers) will be rediscovered as a B-movie renaissance in the future. But then I sit down to watch something like Snakes on a Train and as much as I try cannot work up much enthusiasm for the quality of the film! At least they make crappy Hollywood blockbusters look better in comparison I suppose!

[CSM126]

While we're on the Asylum...



The balls these people have. Gotta give them this much, though: C. Thomas Howell probably is a better actor than Keanu.

[Forrest Taft]

The balls these people have. Gotta give them this much, though: C. Thomas Howell probably is a better actor than Keanu.

Howell actually directed that one...

[kaujot]

Poor Judd Nelson.