Misleadingly tedious DVD blurbs

[colinr0380]

Antoine, I'm sure that kind of thing goes on all the time - in fact I'm a Tartan Films employee and my job is to post either the word Tartan or a combination of letters that can be arranged into that word in every post I make. I'm also trying to create a viral catchphrase "It's Tartan-tastic!" - use it with your friends in a conversation today!

What? They've gone down the tubes? Dammitt!

The Region 3 version of "The Fountain"
Gotta love that back cover!

"It's a....[film]!"
John Doe, The Critic

It looks like that cover is just there to provide an illusion for non-English speakers of the way a generic DVD cover is laid out - I'd bet the blurb is either copied and pasted or nonsensical too!

You never know, when the economy turns around there will be a flood the other way of Region 1 discs using any old Chinese characters on DVD covers to make them superficially look like the real thing!

Set in the gypsy community of contemporary Los Angeles, aspiring dancer Stephen Torino (Cornel Wilde), is tricked by his brother into an arranged marriage with tempestuous Annie Caldash (Jane Russell). Annie is willing to give the union a go, but Torino wants none of it. Several risque complications and lively musical numbers later, Torino changes his mind.

Isn't "tempestuous" and "gypsy" as tired a word combination as "firey" and "latina"?

Though I'd love to have to go through several risque complications and lively musical numbers before changing my mind on anything! Maybe I'll use it as the basis for a new (and by new I mean tired and unimaginative) West End musical based on Bucks Fizz songs, "Makin' Your Mind Up!!", in which a lonely young woman, facing dismissal from the skirt company at which she works for the failure of a new dress design that rips off in anything more than a light breeze, has to find out who her real set of parents are. With nothing more than snapsnots ("My Camera Never Lies") of an orgy at the office Christmas party at which she was conceived will she discover the shocking truth, or will she end up 'running for her life' through London Town (aka The Land Of Make Believe) while her inhibitions take her from behind?

[Murdoch]

The back description of Kieslowski's Red is a bit misleading

Red is a seductive story of forbidden love...stars Irene Jacob as a young model whose chance meeting with an unusual stranger leads her down a path of intrigue and secrecy.

I guess I missed the parts where this was a spy thriller, crossed with Lolita.

[cdnchris]

There's this website I visit everyday meant for programmers that shows all sorts of errors made by other programmers, and one of the more common ones are the use of place holders that make it to the finished product

link please

The Daily WTF
All sorts of coding errors, horror stories and general odd errors.

[forweg]

From the back of the R1 All About Lily Chou-Chou DVD:

"Included on Quentin Tarantino's 'Off-the-top-of-his-head best-of list'" -Entertainment Weekly

[domino harvey]

Okay that made me laugh out loud really hard

[swo17]

This might be my favorite list of features on a DVD ever, from the Facets edition of Yesim Ustaoglu's Journey to the Sun.



In all fairness, I should note that the DVD also boasts a booklet with an essay, though this does receive fourth billing to the items listed above.

Also, "full-screen transfer" = shitty non-anamorphic presentation of a roughly 1.66:1 film.

[Cash Flagg]

The Madacy DVD of A Bucket of Blood/The Giant Gila Monster lists "Feature Presentation" and "Second Feature Presentation" among it's bonus features. No word on chapterization however.

[kaujot]

Oh Facets.

[zedz]

This might be my favorite list of features on a DVD ever, from the Facets edition of Yesim Ustaoglu's Journey to the Sun.

I'm sure you can find better than that. I know I've got plenty of early bare-bones DVDs with desperate arm-long "special features" listings. Original French language soundtrack! English subtitles! Original 1.33 Aspect Ratio! Chapter Selection! Interactive Menu! (or, if you're really lucky, Animated Interactive Menu!)

[Cold Bishop]

From the back of the R1 All About Lily Chou-Chou DVD:

"Included on Quentin Tarantino's 'Off-the-top-of-his-head best-of list'" -Entertainment Weekly

What's funnier is it wasn't really part of his list, just a little aside he threw in there, and THIS is what he said about it:

"There's a Japanese movie, All About Lily Chou-Chou, by a really terrific director, Shunji Iwai. He has my career in Japan -- he did a movie called Swallowtail Butterfly that was to Japan what Pulp Fiction was to America. The Lily Chou-Chou soundtrack is really cool to make out to."

[swo17]

I'm sure you can find better than that. I know I've got plenty of early bare-bones DVDs with desperate arm-long "special features" listings. Original French language soundtrack! English subtitles! Original 1.33 Aspect Ratio! Chapter Selection! Interactive Menu! (or, if you're really lucky, Animated Interactive Menu!)

Forgive me if I do not scour the Facets racks for better examples. I mostly just got a kick out of the word chapterized.

[tojoed]

On the other side of the coin, there is an old English gangster thriller called "No Orchids for Miss Blandish". On the DVD cover it says " The worst film I have ever seen " - Sunday Express.

[swo17]

The Artisan DVD for Paul Schrader's Light Sleeper claims both that the film has been "formatted from its original version to fit your screen*" and, directly below this, "presented in the original 1.33:1 format in which the film was shot." It's in 1.33:1, but given that the aspect ratio suddenly changes when the end credits begin, I doubt this was the original format. (IMDb also says it should be 1.85:1.)

*Incidentally, ever since I upgraded to a widescreen TV, I can't help but appreciate the irony of this phrase.

[keeproductions]

My favorite "review" blurb of all time:



As stupid and apt as that "description" is, I can't even find the excerpt in Maslin's review!

[MichaelB]

"The struggle, halfway in, was not to stay in my chair, but to stay awake... I was too bored to be offended." Thus spoke the sweet-talking Alastair Campbell after a screening of In The Loop, hastily reassuring sceptics that his frown was no mere sense of humour failure. He has, apparently, been known to "fall from my chair and roll around the floor".

Not that the film's cast appear to care. Peter Capaldi – who plays the Campbellesque Malcolm – was suitably nonplussed at Wednesday night's premiere, remarking that he "didn't find Campbell's work very funny either". Director Armando Iannucci, meanwhile, gushed at his muse's critique: "We should have posters with 'A disappointment, Alastair Campbell."

(source)

For those who don't know, Alastair Campbell was Tony Blair's press officer, and a man who had a disproportionate influence on government decisions from 1997-2003 despite being unelected. Iannucci denies it, but it's widely assumed that the fearsome Malcolm Tucker in the sitcom The Thick of It and the feature film In the Loop, is based on Campbell. It has also been pointed out that Campbell's claim that the film is boring (I haven't seen the film myself yet, but he seems to be in a minuscule minority) is merely an extension of the kind of spin and propaganda he used to deal in on a daily basis.

[colinr0380]

He also attacked Mark Kermode in an interview on the Culture Show a couple of weeks ago, berating the negativity of critics and filmmakers in the way they continually bash politicians, which seemed to reveal a breathtaking lack of self awareness.

I wonder what he thought of his portrayal in the Rory Bremner programme?

[swo17]

From the Miramax DVD of Masayuki Suo's Shall We Dance?:

Here's the irresistible comedy treat that had critics and audiences cheering all across America...and inspired the new Hollywood hit starring Richard Gere (Chicago), Jennifer Lopez (Maid in Manhattan) and Susan Sarandon (Dead Man Walking)!

No mention later of the stars of the actual film, or of other films you might remember them from.

[knives]

I still think Miramax's funniest attempt at commercializing a film is their description of Gerry as a tense thriller starring Matt Damon and someone named Affleck directed by the dude who made Good Will Hunting, but yours is definitely up there.

[Lemmy Caution]

Here's a misleading Dvd cover.
Nowhere on it (front or back) does it say the year of the concert, and the cover design certainly makes it appear to have been something from back in the classic Blind Faith days.



Turns out this is a 2008 gig, with the graying rockers plugging away.
Unfortunately, neither Clapton nor Winwood is much of a showman, so it's more of a solid workmanlike effort. Might as well be a revival CD. And MSG is probably the blandest place I've ever seen concerts. It's like a medium security prison. If an act is too large for a bar or good-sized club, huge stadiums are preferable to MSG, as the stadiums allow a freedom to wander and interact, and all sorts of craziness going on in various corners.

Actually I saw Steve Winwood at MSG once in the late 80's. Also The Kinks, Bowie, Stevie Wonder, and even AC/DC opening for Ted Nugent, which left my teen ears ringing for 3 days.

[jbeall]

I don't really know if this belongs here, but I couldn't figure out where else to post it, so mods, feel free to move.

Slate.com: Death by a Thousand Director's Cuts How DVD marketing is rewriting the history of film

Regarding terms like director's cut and restoration: The fact that these categories are now integral parts of sales pitches seriously diminishes the possibility of their serving as accurate descriptions.

[Mr Sausage]

I don't really know if this belongs here, but I couldn't figure out where else to post it, so mods, feel free to move.

Slate.com: Death by a Thousand Director's Cuts How DVD marketing is rewriting the history of film

Regarding terms like director's cut and restoration: The fact that these categories are now integral parts of sales pitches seriously diminishes the possibility of their serving as accurate descriptions.

It's already being discussed here.