'Rediculous' Customer & Critic Reviews

[colinr0380]

Basic Instinct is pretty mainstream, and Sharon Stone's labia majora are certainly visible.

That must have been one heck of a wardrobe mistake!

[matrixschmatrix]

But really, how many labia have you seen in a film? Only 3 or 4 for me, and not mainstream at all.

Uh, three? Perhaps my understanding is incorrect, but but if you've seen an individual labium in a film, that must either have been one hell of an angle or one hell of an actress.

[Michael Kerpan]

Counting majora only -- or also minora....

[Mathew2468]

Is the phrase "1 labia" incorrect? I meant it like "shorts" or "scissors." I know latin.

[Jeff]

I'm going to hate myself for participating in this discussion (again), but I think Rosario Dawson's very visible lady parts may be eligible for Best Supporting Actress for their pivotal role in Danny Boyle's very mainstream Trance.

[Mathew2468]

They're all bald now, that's the difference. No difference in filming them. Let's stop now.

[Mathew2468]

Back on topic:

One star Amazon review of Szamanka.

As a movie its not really bad and done professionally. However its not what i am looking for when i am wasting my time. There are at least four main ideas at the same time and all of them depressing.
The first is Polish country itself which filled with mafia, poor people, suicides, dilapidated building; the second main character obsession with his finding of old, supposedly 2500 years old corpse which he declare a shaman; the third the director manage to connect unprovable events in that shaman's life to his characters lives; the fourth is female character itself which has mental problems but somehow nobody pays attention anyway as supposedly men attracted to her and are trying to have sex because of her animal magnetism. And sexual part is most depressing where the director stick to self-sensoring or maybe he dont understand anything in sex anyway and i dont want even mention the movie's end and, in short, its all in the past.
Yes, if you looking for something more appropriate for 21 century try "Enter the void"

[jindianajonz]

Back on topic:

One star Amazon review of Szamanka.

As a movie its not really bad and done professionally. However its not what i am looking for when i am wasting my time. There are at least four main ideas at the same time and all of them depressing.
The first is Polish country itself which filled with mafia, poor people, suicides, dilapidated building; the second main character obsession with his finding of old, supposedly 2500 years old corpse which he declare a shaman; the third the director manage to connect unprovable events in that shaman's life to his characters lives; the fourth is female character itself which has mental problems but somehow nobody pays attention anyway as supposedly men attracted to her and are trying to have sex because of her animal magnetism. And sexual part is most depressing where the director stick to self-sensoring or maybe he dont understand anything in sex anyway and i dont want even mention the movie's end and, in short, its all in the past.
Yes, if you looking for something more appropriate for 21 century try "Enter the void"

This review reminds me of a problem I often have with my girlfriend's mother where it is sometimes tough to separate a difficulties with having English as a second language and genuinely stupid ideas.

[Mathew2468]

I'm actually impressed by how perceptive he is compared to the usual reactionary reviewers.

[Cash Flagg]

Not a review, but this is actual text from Blu-ray.com's official announcement of a UK edition of Rosemary's Baby:

Director Roman Polanski caused controversy by giving a real life Satanist a part in the film's rape scene, and the self same man became implicated in the Manson murders which killed his wife Sharon Tate a year later.

[Cash Flagg]

According to Pro-B, that synopsis comes from Paramount themselves! Truly shameless.

[rspaight]

Total Film tells us which movies are too long.

My favorite so far is their suggestion to ditch all the boring character stuff in Zodiac and make it a tight 90-minute murder mystery. But I'm not even through #30 yet, so even better delights may await.

[mfunk9786]

Yeah, Zodiac is a real snooze

*eyeroll*

[matrixschmatrix]

Empire

Length: 485 mins

Why That's Too Long: Andy Warhol's silent black-and-white film is eight hours and five minutes of continuous slow motion footage of the Empire State Building. And, well, that's it.

How We'd Fix It: Admittedly, he was probably going for more of an art experiment than coherent narrative, but surely four hours would've served as perfunctorily as eight?

It's cool when a publication comes right out and tells you that there's no reason to take it seriously

[matrixschmatrix]

Also, The Master is too long, because it wastes time establishing Freddy's character and isn't a straightforward indictment of Scientology

[swo17]

No good movie is too long and no bad movie is short enough.

[domino harvey]

The Green Mile (1999)

Length: 189 mins

Why That's Too Long: There was a time when most Stephen King adaptations were just 90-minute horror flicks.

How We'd Fix It: The framing device featuring an aged Tom Hanks can be cut out almost altogether (we’d keep his age reveal) with little effect on the overall story.

Which would save all of, what, three minutes?

[rspaight]

How We'd Fix It: Admittedly, he was probably going for more of an art experiment than coherent narrative, but surely four hours would've served as perfunctorily as eight?

Perfunctorily.

[domino harvey]

The Pianist (2002)

Length: 150 mins

Why That's Too Long: It’s a harrowing tale of Holocaust-era tragedy. Powerful it may be, but we can only take so much…

How We'd Fix It: Adrian Brody’s Szpilman spends so much time in a big almost-empty house hiding from the outside world that it starts to feel like… um… nothing much is happening.

I just saw this and that would shave off about ten minutes, if that, and it's the climax to the film, so

Actually, going though this, I'm not actually convinced whoever "wrote" this has even seen some of these films

[knives]

Watching what you are writing about is perfunctory.

[Forrest Taft]

My favorite:

Jackie Brown (1997)[...]How We'd Fix It: Simplify the plot and cut down on the stylish homages.

[matrixschmatrix]

All three of their solutions to Tarantino movies involve basically cutting out the point

[The Narrator Returns]

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (2008)

Length: 166 mins

Why That's Too Long: In a fascinating story about a man who grows younger with age, we really don’t need to see his entire life to ‘get it’.

How We'd Fix It: Focus on the love story between Benjamin and Daisy, leaving out the huge middle sections of his life where he is off doing his own thing.

Aren't those parts the only interesting things about Benjamin Button?

[knives]

Yes and it also ignores the easiest solution to the problem of length in the movie.

[matrixschmatrix]

Calling out the wrong part of Benjamin Button to cut is like throwing yourself at the ground and missing

Seriously, even with the incredibly easy targets this is dumb- the worst part about Avatar is apparently that it's not as quickly told as Pocahontas