'Rediculous' Customer & Critic Reviews

[rossen]

Review of Un Chien Andalou on Amazon:

I love silent movies, but this one was terrible.
I was reading what the critics said about it and they say it is a genius movie, I don't get it. I think a lot of the stuff in this film was for SHOCK value ONLY and had little to do with anything artistic. I mean really, dragging the poor dead donkey or horse across the room and the cutting of it's eyeball, there is nothing artistic about that. Of course the movie was old, but it was annoying trying to watch it break up in bits and pieces. I say it's a good thing Salvador Dali stuck to painting because he made lousy silent movies.

And beware, I think my other computer which I had to destroy, picked up some kind of VIRUS from this CD!!!

[Matt]

I think Buñuel would be extraordinarily pleased to know that his movie is spreading viruses to computers.

[domino harvey]

I like that his solution to getting a virus was to destroy his computer

[Adam X]

Someone's not a fan of the Cinerama experience

I'm glad that the elements of this film, as you've described them, are lost; the whole idea of restoring this hokey old film is one, big very stupid joke; it's all geek masturbation at its very worst; it just belongs in the permanent dustbin of history.

I'm curious, what film were they talking about?

edit: nevermind. Found the answer. The internet really seems to dredge up the needlessly angry.

[Jean-Luc Garbo]

I like that his solution to getting a virus was to destroy his computer

It worked for Kirk Cameron in Fireproof!

[Dylan]

Kurt Loder's review of Nebraska:

Payne has shot the film in widescreen black-and-white, a format that inevitably recalls such great ’70s movies as Badlands and The Last Picture Show.

Remember the widescreen black and white photography in Badlands?

[Gregory]

Why would we "inevitably" recall any particular few '70s films that were in widescreen black & white when there were so many great films fitting that description from the '60s and '70s (and before) and many others that are more recent?

[Dylan]

Why would we "inevitably" recall any particular few '70s films that were in widescreen black & white when there were so many great films fitting that description from the '60s and '70s and many others that are more recent?

For a hot second I thought he could've meant In Cold Blood instead of Badlands, but the former wasn't a 70s film. Also, by "black and white widescreen" I assume he means Nebraska's 'scope aspect ratio of 2.35:1, which wasn't how The Last Picture Show was shot. So really, neither should be "inevitable" comparisons. And as far as the 70s goes, I'm actually having a tough time thinking of a 2.35:1 b&w film except for Manhattan, though I'm sure there were a few more...

[Gregory]

From this thread, for example, the conclusion one comes to: too many to list.

[Dylan]

From this thread, for example, the conclusion one comes to: too many to list.

1.85:1 being the standard tv/movie aspect ratio now, when I read or hear the phrase "widescreen b&w" I think 2.35:1, which is wider than the current standard and will (probably) always be a cinematic aspect ratio. There are a few examples of 2.35:1 from recent years (Tetro, The White Ribbon, and now Nebraska) and while I can think of several 1.85:1 b&w '70s films (Paper Moon, Eraserhead, etc.) for 2.35:1 I can only think of Manhattan (and portions of Solaris, if that was b&w and not sepia). I guess my point is that 2.35:1 b&w wasn't really being used in the 70s and that being Nebraska's look it just makes Loder's sentence all the stranger.

[sir_luke]

I don't think this one's been posted. It must be a joke, surely. Surely. All of his/her other reviews include the same sort of "hippie liberal BS" accusations. Marvel at his/her review of Last Year at Marienbad:

"I consider myself a connoisseur of great movies. I count amongst my favorite movies classics such as Shawshank Redemption, The Matrix and The Dark Knight. So I think I know a thing or two about good movies.

That said, anyone who thinks theres any rhyme and reason to this movie Last Year at Marienbad has gotta be a liberal because there is no rhyme and reason to this movie, just like the way liberals think.

In life, there is simple right and wrong. As long as one follows the right, they are good. When they follow the wrong, they are bad. When liberals make these kinds of confusing movies, they want to blur the line between good and bad so that everything becomes complicated and confusing. And when people are confused they end up following the Evil One.

With these types of movies, I say, what is the point? The point is clear that liberals want to destroy traditional moral values. And they're doing it in a roundabout way by creating confusion within the people."

Love this convention-busting, thought-provoking New Wave film? Might as well BOW DOWN TO SATAN

[bdsweeney]

A one-star review for Le Cercle Rouge from the same customer as the Marienbad review:

"This is not a good film for moral people to see. There is some nudity in this movie. All in all tho, it was a good film... but it had a bad scene... maybe even two."

If the customer gave it one star but nevertheless called it 'good', does that make him/her an immoral person?

[feihong]

Yes, the first thing my mind flashes to whenever I think of Red Circle is the second-and-a-half glimpse of sinful nudity. What did they put that in for, but to confuse us with liberalism?

[tenia]

With these types of movies, I say, what is the point? The point is clear that liberals want to destroy traditional moral values. And they're doing it in a roundabout way by creating confusion within the people."

Love this convention-busting, thought-provoking New Wave film? Might as well BOW DOWN TO SATAN

I knew that was this ! I always thought Marienbad was too difficult to understand and too thought-provoking to be honest. That's because it's a movie from hell !

Yes, the first thing my mind flashes to whenever I think of Red Circle is the second-and-a-half glimpse of sinful nudity.

Same here. :-k

If the customer gave it one star but nevertheless called it 'good', does that make him/her an immoral person?

Especially since this shot is very early in the movie.

[RossyG]

I don't think this one's been posted. It must be a joke, surely. Surely.

Almost certainly. A very heavy-handed troll piece.

[Gregory]

I've come across this reviewer before, when I was looking up reviews of Durkheim's On Suicide, trying to figure out which edition to get, and found this: [1 star] "any book that tries to explain away or justify suicide is committing a sin. Life is a gift from God. Suicide is wrong. Abortion is wrong. End of story." This review by the same person, which calls T. Jefferson a fraud because he owned a copy of the Quran, provoked a ridiculously elaborate discussion about whether or not it was sincere or trolling.

Poe's Law: "Without a blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of extremism or fundamentalism that someone won't mistake for the real thing."

There was a blatant display of humor in at least one of his/her reviews, though, which started with the sentence: "As that 70s rap group NWA once said, `don't believe the hype'."

[Jeff]

The negative IMDb reviews of The Wolf of Wall Street are all very entertaining, but this is a cut above. I especially like the random shout out to awesome Jews and the anthropomorphization of Jim Varney's coffin.

I just needed to watch this movie to get it over with, especially hearing that it's the movie with the most f-words ever. I thought, "Wow, really? Let's see how bad this is." Yeah, I'm a film snob, and I never take any attitude or bad words from any movies, and cast them upon others. Thank G-d. With that said, pretty much every single one of Martin Scorsese's movies are so hard to watch. They're dark & sinful! What? Does Martin sell his soul to the devil every time he makes these?

If it's supposed to be "REALITY", we get it, but leave the reality-telling to the professionals if you PLEASE!

What is going through Martin Scorsese's HEAD? Frankly the only film from him I have liked from him is HUGO (2011). A film almost anyone can watch & be mesmerized. Check it out, you won't be disappointed. THIS film is putrid garbage, filled with vulgar language, sexual perverseness, and quite possibly the most unlikable characters ever put on-screen.

Leonardo DiCaprio is quite possibly the worst actor since Jim Varney's coffin - all he can do is shout & swear. How's that "acting"?? Is the F-word the only word in his dictionary?????? Cursing & swearing is a degenerate sarcasm for those who have lost their decent vocabulary. DiCaprio should have RETIRED perhaps after Titanic. There are some exceptions to the rule of course, but most child actors grow up to be talentless hacks; no doubt DiCaprio's one of them. Apparently, why didn't he die, instead of Paul Walker?

It's really sad that the real Jordan Belfort is Jewish. Jewish people are the original chosen people blessed by G-d. Blessed through Abraham, they were given amazing wisdom & intelligence. And a lot more Jewish people got involved in this movie (ie. Jonah Hill, Rob Reiner, Jon Favernau, etc.) It's just SAD that a lot of people are born into this world with a G-d-given intelligence, but they use the totally wrong way for the totally wrong things. They just ruin themselves & other people!

Throughout history, Jewish people have turned out to be incredibly smart & intelligent people. And Albert Einstein, Emma Lazarus, Ben Stein, Larry King, Wolf Blitzer, FRED, VenomFangX, Adam Brody, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Adam Levine, Adrian Brody, Billy Crystal, Jack Black, Seth Rogen, Jerry Seinfeld, Liev Schreiber, Paul Shaffer, Ron Perlman, The Coen brothers, Paul Rudd, Milton Berle, Mel Brooks are just SOME of them.

Even MORE sad that most comedians get their inspiration from Lenny Bruce who was ALSO Jewish - it's just ALL wasted potential.

Hate this movie, hate the characters, hate the language, hate the attitudes & behavior, NEVER in a million years will i watch this again. STOP MAKING THESE KINDS OF MOVIES, SCORSESE!

And good thing it TANKED at the box office, no wonder. I still have faith in humanity. And what WAS with that dumb humming???

Great 2014 is going to be a great year in film, 'cause a lot of good-willed movies based on plots & stories that make SENSE!

1/10 WORST FILM OF 2013, and OF ALL TIME

PS: PLEASE check out the Ken Ham vs Bill Nye Debate on Feb. 4, debating the Creation/Evolution issue - it's worth the watch.

[knives]

Scorsese bad, but Coens good? I guess he only watched The Big Lebowski in the alps.

[domino harvey]

Based on the comments they probably liked A Serious Man

[The Narrator Returns]

VenomFangX wrote the Old Testament, right?

[knives]

Based on the comments they probably liked A Serious Man

It's been a while but I remember a fair amount of 'sin' behaviors though possibly it is an overall fetish.

[bamwc2]

VenomFangX wrote the Old Testament, right?

I was about to call that out as well. For those not in the know, he's a Youtube "celebrity" famous for his rediculous creationist videos. They are truly some of the silliest that I have ever seen.

[Black Hat]

I love how smart Jewish people to him equals Wolf Blitzer and Larry King. I guess he missed Wolf's classic Jeopardy performance. The other thing that stood out has Wolf really bombed at the box office?

[jindianajonz]

I love how smart Jewish people to him equals Wolf Blitzer and Larry King. I guess he missed Wolf's classic Jeopardy performance. The other thing that stood out has Wolf really bombed at the box office?

My first thought was "What film was Wolf Blitzer in that bombed?"

[domino harvey]

Not in my Top-10 but it is the greatest film ever made.