'Rediculous' Customer & Critic Reviews

[Werewolf by Night]

Shorter version: I am so smart. S-M-R-T.

[domino harvey]

Every comment on Todd McCarthy's Valerian review needs to be burned with fire

[Big Ben]

Amazing:

This is a film produced outside of the dilapidated Hollywood studio system. Besson raised financing for production through presales, working with several smaller international distributors who believed in his vision. Hollywood needs this movie to fail because it is in a time of crisis; as people prefer to stay home to watch Game of Thrones on SVOD , and as it has just dumped a fortune into a string of comic book movies that will take us into the foreseeable future.

The "critic", who lambasted the film on the pettiest of terms ("Eurotrash is back") , is just a cog. A tool serving his function. To protect Hollywood product during this time of crisis at all costs.

Well done. The Hollywood reporter has shown its true colors; a troglodyte publication of the lowest common denominator.

I'll be using my American dollars to support Valerian . And I'll find Comic book movies on pirate bay.

[domino harvey]

The best/worst was the guy who argued that since the trailer told him which character was Valerian, it wasn't a flaw in the film that the movie neglected to mention who or what Valerian is

[tenia]

What's fascinating is that in some ways, EuropaCorp is the perfect French equivalent of Hollywood's studio system.

[Calvin]

Another from the Schrader facebook page...

[zedz]

Critic changes his mind and is mature enough to admit it is now "rediculous"?

[Calvin]

Critic changes his mind and is mature enough to admit it is now "rediculous"?

Oh no, I think it's great that he admitted it rather than doubling down. I just found it amusing the progression of posts amusing, particularly the fact that he rushed to judgment on social media after only an hour of the film.

[domino harvey]

I think it's [Ron] Howard's third best film.

[matrixschmatrix]

Amazing:

This is a film produced outside of the dilapidated Hollywood studio system. Besson raised financing for production through presales, working with several smaller international distributors who believed in his vision. Hollywood needs this movie to fail because it is in a time of crisis; as people prefer to stay home to watch Game of Thrones on SVOD , and as it has just dumped a fortune into a string of comic book movies that will take us into the foreseeable future.

The "critic", who lambasted the film on the pettiest of terms ("Eurotrash is back") , is just a cog. A tool serving his function. To protect Hollywood product during this time of crisis at all costs.

Well done. The Hollywood reporter has shown its true colors; a troglodyte publication of the lowest common denominator.

I'll be using my American dollars to support Valerian . And I'll find Comic book movies on pirate bay.

Isn't Valerian based on a comic book?

[Never Cursed]

This is one of my favorite reviews of any movie ever. Try to guess what this guy (from IMDB, giving it 1 star,) is talking about. The title of the review is "The extra-terrestrial history is a lie."

The premise of the film, an extra-terrestrial incursion, is is utter nonsense. Science fiction can (and should) be as far fetched as the human mind, and imagination, can carry a writer. Rewriting history and past sciences is just asinine. Firstly, there were only three extra-terrestrial incursions in New Mexico, all at different sites, including the Trinity Site. The United States kept actual greys from the planet Nibiru in ice chests (mostly because the physics was so new, scientists were unable to predict the reaction of these living wonders from outer space), most of which were on (or under) American soil. Officially, two more greys were cryogenetically frozen in Colorado, two more in Massacheusetes, three in Alaska, seven more at three other sites in New Mexico. The majority of Testing was done at the Nibiru Test Site in Nevada, bordered by the Nellis Air Force Range and the Tonopah Test Range, altogether encompassing one of the largest unpopulated land areas with around five and a half thousand square miles (it is only 65 miles from Las Vegas). The likelihood of exposed families living near the test site is lower than the entire population of Las Vegas being over run with savage Martians (better movie), because the freezing make this impossible, especially in New Mexico. How many greys were stored outside of US soil? None. Nada. Zero. A great big goose egg...

Secondly the affects of exposure to grey energy are well known, and public finally, The US and UK governments released reports as well as the Sandia Laboratory and the National Cancer Institute, and more recently, eyewitness accounts of the greys in civilian populations (Mexico) by an American reporter who was silenced until his death, have all come into public light in the last decade and a half. This movie is like Jaws had Roy Schneider spent half an hour underwater (on the moon, say) fighting the shark with his fists. It doesn't have to be believable, it really shouldn't, it does have to be convincing, though.

[Big Ben]

I maintain that if extraterrestrials are aware of are existence they probably think we're akin to ants and or absolute dumbshits. As for the review I'm always fascinated by conspiracy theorists attacking films like this. But what really confuses me is when conspiracy theorists take legitimate bullshit stories like JFK and present it as gospel. But hey what can you do?

[domino harvey]

I can't find it via Google but I assume it's

Spoiler

Close Encounters?

[Never Cursed]

No, it's

Spoiler

Stalker!

Don't believe me? Here's a link (follow it and scroll down a little till you see the guy's name.)

[colinr0380]

Wasn't that Mel Gibson's initial pitch for Passion of the Christ?

Anyway as anyone who has watched The X-Files, read Thomas Pynchon's Against The Day (or played Kholat) know, there have been aliens in Russia (or at least Siberia) since the Tunguska meteorite!

[Big Ben]

Ya'll if you want the weird Russian shit you need to check out The Dyatlov Pass Incident. There's very much a rational explanation for it because you know, that's how the Universe works but the conspiracies around this incident are wild.

I cannot fathom how New Age shit like Nibiru found it's way in a review for Stalker though. The brain doesn't process probability very well (In the case of this gentleman not at all apparently) and this is why people tend to favor conspiracies over more mundane rational ones. Why think Tarkovsky left the film ambiguous when he was clearly trying to hide the truth about aliens!

See also: The absolutely one hundred percent true Stanley Kubrick conspiracy theory that he helped NASA fake the moon landing and covertly revealed this to us, the public in The Shining! Soooo clever Stanley.

*rolls eyes*

[Quot]

An Amazon.com review of Laurel and Hardy's The Essential Collection:

"I am very upset that there are several Spanish Laurel and Hardy movies in here. If they were made at the time of the originals that's fine. If they are recent than this is my last purchase from you. Illegal aliens cost the citizens of the United State ove 300 billion dollars a year. My grandparents were imigrants but they came over legally and did not go on welfare. When is this going to stop!"

[TMDaines]

We got Michael Owen to review the handful of movies he’s ever finished watching

[calculus entrophy]

Not sure if he is being sarcastic, but man, I've noticed that a lot of my acquaintances that have been immersed in more recent interactive technologies like gaming or social media just cannot focus at the rate of film. I stopped even trying because I can see its not reaching them... it's like it's not stimulating them at fast enough a rate to hold their attention.

"“That’s my problem with films: I just can’t believe it. I sit there, thinking, ‘I wonder how many takes that took?’ and ‘is that a stuntman?’ The big action fights are so far-fetched I shake my head in disbelief: people shooting each other, rolling over with bullets just missing them, jumping off of trains. How can anyone believe that?”

[jbeall]

The National Review pans Twin Peaks: The Return for not having a conventional enough narrative.

[MichaelB]

We got Michael Owen to review the handful of movies he’s ever finished watching

It's easy to point and laugh, but would we do any better talking about a medium that we've spent next to no time with? I imagine I'd be equally crap about computer games or modern dance.

[The Narrator Returns]

Blu-Ray.com managed to find the one person who liked The Book of Henry to review its Blu-Ray release.

[tenia]

And yet, reading it, it's sometimes hard to know if it's supposed to be a serious review written straight faced when you can find things like this :

Eleven-year-old Henry is sharp as a tack, smarter than not only anyone else in school but more capable than most any adult. He takes care of the family finances and has gamed the stock market and made his family very rich. But his mother Susan refuses to live in luxury. She refuses to give up to her run-down car and waitresses for next to nothing compared to what Henry has made for her, even if her time could be better spent taking care of Henry and her other son, Henry's younger brother, Peter.

If you weren't sure this seems like a pretty dumb movie, here you are.

[mfunk9786]

Martin Liebman on Stranger Things is hilariously bad

Stranger Things is an amazing show in a Twin Peaks meets something like The Thing and The Evil Dead (both of which have posters featured prominently in the show) meets Super 8 meets Insidious with a decidedly Spielberg flair and flavor. ... It's also overflowing with twists and turns, new ideas, fantastic narrative execution, an engaging and unique character roster, exceptional acting, a frightening central plot, and endless mystery.

A great score, exceptionally conceived characters, wonderful acting, plenty of intrigue, lighting-quick pacing, balanced scares, infectious humor...the show has it all.

[soundchaser]

"In conclusion, this has been my book report on Stranger Things."

(If I turn my head to the side and squint hard enough, I can almost - ALMOST - convince myself that Liebman's poor writing is an attempt at critiquing the empty nostalgia I gather the show fuels itself on. Alternatively, Liebman needs to be sent to re-learn structure, Clockwork Orange-style.)