Criterion & Eclipse Cover Art & Packaging Babble-on Vol.5

[perkizitore]

First the Three Colours Trilogy terrible cover art, now an ever more atrocious cover for Certified Copy; someone must really hate Juliette Binoche at Criterion HQ!

[Brian C]

I thought the CW had been revised on Three Colors and it was now considered good?

[Murdoch]

Those covers are slowly killing me

[triodelover]

I'd admit that I'm really looking forward to the inevitable apologists, but I don't think that's going to be an issue this time

What the Hell, I'll try. Wouldn't want to disappoint. At least the two Bergman's use images from the film. The one of Harriet Andersson on the boat is a rather iconic one for Monica. Plus the covers actually represent what's in the case. They are consistent with the most of the rest of Criterion's mainline Bergman (particularly of recent vintage) and they are at least better than the Tartans. OK, that's all I got.

[lacritfan]

It's been awhile since I've seen BJM so I don't remember the body builder with the florescent white thong going through the portal. Also, if that's supposed to be a pupil, why is it jaundiced (unless they're anticipating our feelings toward the cover)?

[bainbridgezu]

I'd admit that I'm really looking forward to the inevitable apologists, but I don't think that's going to be an issue this time

What the Hell, I'll try. Wouldn't want to disappoint. At least the two Bergman's use images from the film. The one of Harriet Andersson on the boat is a rather iconic one for Monica. Plus the covers actually represent what's in the case. They are consistent with the most of the rest of Criterion's mainline Bergman (particularly of recent vintage) and they are at least better than the Tartans. OK, that's all I got.

The Bergman covers are, by far, the least offensive of the bunch: anyone who could formulate a cohesive defense of the Malkovich atrocity would have to be some kind of evil genius.

It's been awhile since I've seen BJM so I don't remember the body builder with the florescent white thong going through the portal

That's Malkovich going through the portal; though, as Certified Copy also demonstrates, fealty to the film doesn't make the cover any less a piece of shit.

[knives]

It doesn't have pedophile John Cusack on the cover?

[Feego]

Oh. My. God. They actually DID hire swimminghorses.

[bainbridgezu]

It doesn't have pedophile John Cusack on the cover?

He's not beige enough! Hell, Malkvoich isn't there because his name is in the title, but by virtue of the color of his jacket.

[arsonfilms]

It's so funny to see this crop off new covers next to the La Haine upgrade, which has SUCH striking artwork. The more I look at Certified Copy the less I mind it (relatively speaking; it's still atrocious), but I feel like Malkovich is so bad it has to be a joke. Nobody could really be serious with that cover, could they?

[lacritfan]

I think I figured out the BJM cover. It's a toilet bowl without water. Guy takes a huge dump. Doesn't have TP so he uses the back of a gay sex ad. Then stands up and pisses all around the perimeter. Then realizes it doesn't flush. This happened a week ago.

[CSM126]

I was hoping/expecting BJM cover to be a sea of the many Malkovich heads, but I can live with the pupil, too. It's weird, but so is the movie.

[tarpilot]

The movie is also "good." If only they had chosen that adjective to mirror!

[bainbridgezu]

I think I figured out the BJM cover. It's a toilet bowl without water. Guy takes a huge dump. Doesn't have TP so he uses the back of a gay sex ad. Then stands up and pisses all around the perimeter. Then realizes it doesn't flush. This happened a week ago.

This is ridiculous. What you've described would be infinitely more appealing than this cover: a week-old shit-and-piss cocktail would look like it had been composed by Antonioni at the peak of his abilities next to what we're actually getting.

[felipe]

I thought the CW had been revised on Three Colors and it was now considered good?

Those could never be considered good.

[Matt]

Ha, that Certified Copy cover is only the icing on Criterion's spectacular "fuck you" cupcake to people waiting for this release. Wait several months longer than any other company would normally take to release it, throw an interview and a licensed documentary on the disc, and then slap this cover on it that went from concept to execution in 5 minutes. I guess they figured everyone already bought the region-free Artificial Eye BD so why bother.

But that Being John Malkovich cover is the absolute worst thing I've ever seen them do. Far worse than the pink Viridiana or Pepe le moko. Embarrassing.

The Bergmans are just F. Ron Miller with his standard screen capture/all caps treatment. Fine, whatever. They actually manage to look pretty good next to the other two.

[zedz]

To be fair, the Certified Copy cover is neck and neck hideous with Artificial Eye's dayglo monstrosity, but how can coming up with a nice image for that particular film be so apparently debilitating for graphic designers?

[bainbridgezu]

that Being John Malkovich cover is the absolute worst thing I've ever seen them do. Far worse than the pink Viridiana or Pepe le moko. Embarrassing.

Exactly. This cover must be their design department's revenge for Viridiana: if only we'd been aware of the total eye-fuck that was coming for us six years down the line.

[perkizitore]

Swimminghorses might actually get the last laugh when, after learning of his banishment (from this forum I'm sure they love) Criterion offer him a job in their art department. So we all have to eternally look at his shitty covers on all their new releases. And REALLY have something to bitch about. Hmmmm...... something to ponder.

[triodelover]

To be fair, the Certified Copy cover is neck and neck hideous with Artificial Eye's dayglo monstrosity, but how can coming up with a nice image for that particular film be so apparently debilitating for graphic designers?

The only thing I'll say in defense of the AE cover (since I own it) is the image of Binoche is from the film and she looks just as garish in that scene as she does on the cover. Now that I think about it, I'm not really offering a defense, just a rather weak plea bargain.

[knives]

At least the AE looks like it can be excused on account of laziness. The Crit actually looks like a lot of thought going into just as much meh.

[The Narrator Returns]

But that Being John Malkovich cover is the absolute worst thing I've ever seen them do. Far worse than the pink Viridiana or Pepe le moko. Embarrassing.

Agreed. How can you screw up a cover that badly? I would have been happier if the cover was stick figure drawings of the characters, or just Being John Malkovich stamped on a brown paper bag.

[Matt]

At least the AE looks like it can be excused on account of laziness. The Crit actually looks like a lot of thought going into just as much meh.

The sad thing is that the book in the film looks exactly like your run-of-the-mill European scholarly monograph. But Criterion's "copy" of it adds the wacky C and sidebar, gets the balanced placement of the text all wrong, and substitutes a bland picture of the two leads for the classical bust. Any one of these posters would have made a better cover, even the ones that look like posters for a Nora Ephron comedy.

[triodelover]

Any one of these posters would have made a better cover, even the ones that look like posters for a Nora Ephron comedy.

And one of those is the AE cover.

[The Narrator Returns]

Frankly, this day is making me sad. The two titles I want the most, Being John Malkovich and Certified Copy (I don't own the AE), are the ones they screw up. Those covers better be placeholders, because they look like they were designed by a fidgety seven-year-old who was told to experiment with Photoshop.

If you need me, I'll be in the bath having a good cry.